Taste This

2003-07-24T17:35:00.000-05:00

long time no talk, huh? i got a new blog at tireswing.blogspot.com. another one i hadnt updated in awhile.

2003-01-25T03:33:00.000-06:00

Wowww. I bet no one reads this at all anymore! Tee hee hee. So my eyes are aching, my head is aching, and its hotter than a mug in here. Oh and its 3am. Oh and i am so about to get some food. I go through lil things still where i'll be like 'no i cant eat this' or 'i am way too fat for this' but i do it anyway. So i guess its ohkay to have the thoughts if you dont do the actions? Who knows what i'm even talking of. And now i'm learning about SoEd yay! But Ky said a lot of :( stuff happened. So sad. Dont know what yet. why are my eyes aching so much? oh yah maybe cuz i left my contacts in all nite. But still ooooooouuuchhhhies. Now i am taken by two boys in my school! How weird! I never really thought serious about boys at my school (specially ones in my CLASSES!) besides Derek and its carazy. Tee hee. Carazy. Tee hee. Achy! Let me try drops again. A lil better. Alritie. Hey if you somehow think to check this and are reading this right now YAH YOU then please note me and let me know how you are. I havent talked to a lot of people in awhile and i miss yall. Tummy is growling. Rawwwwwr! :)

2003-01-04T13:11:00.000-06:00

Today is a very positive day. Tee hee hee. :) :) :) I got this great wonderful email from Shelby. I dont usually read forwards but i love this. Its too bad my printer doesnt work though but oh well! :)

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop."And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets,
keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to aforeign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

I love it i love it. And the song called "Hold On" by Good Charlotte, of course. Download that if you read this cuz it is great. Trust me:) Plus Benji is fine. Yay!

2003-01-03T11:52:00.000-06:00

And another from Ms Em. Sorry to anyone reading. La li la:) I love these and i dont want to unpack! Tee hee.

When was the last time you ...
Smiled?: I dont know, like a little while ago?
Laughed?: ^ditto.
Cried?: i'm sorry Em:( ~New Years Eve Eve i said!
Bought something?: New Years Eve.
Danced?: New Years Eve.
Were sarcastic?: Never!...
Kissed someone?: Ah!
Watched your favorite movie?: One of them yesterday.
Had a nightmare?: Always.
Last book you read: Ah! Caesar... for school aw.
Last song you heard: Underneath it All, No Doubt.
Last thing you had to drink: Root Beer.
Last time you showered: An hour or so ago.
Last thing you ate: I dont know like a cookie or something.
---Body---
1. What do you most like about your body?: We did this before! Eyelids! Tee hee. Really though maybe my legs if they werent so pale and when i sat down they werent fatter.
2. And least?: My face i guess. Or tummy. Or hair. Or feet. Hands! Hands.
3. How many fillings do you have?: They all fell out! Baby teeth.
4. Do you think you're good looking?: Every once and awhile ill be like "oh maybe my face isnt THAT ugly" but then i step back into reality. Tee hee!
5. Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking?: Not really i guess.
6. Do you look like any celebrities?: When my hair was longer this girlie used to call me Katie cuz she thought i looked like Katie Holmes. Weird!
-- Fashion --
1. Do you wear a watch?: Nope and i am constantly going "What time is it?"
2. How many coats and jackets do you own?: Hm. Pink, red, white, white, beige, black. Six.
3. Favorite pants/skirt color?: Dirty Denim. Specially on boys woo fine.
4. Most expensive item of clothing?: I do not know!
5. What kind of shoes do you wear?: Tenni's. I'm not a shoe girlie. At all.
6. Describe your style in one word: Um. Regular? Tee hee.
-- Your Friends --
1. Do your friends 'know' you?: Psh i dont even know me.
2. What do they tend to be like?: Goofier than a mug. But judgemental. But fun. And nice:) Most. Yay:)
3. Are there traits in you that are universally liked?: I dont know!
4. How many people do you tell everything to?: Zero! Yay:)
-- Music/TV/Film/Books --
1. Favorite band ever?: Yummy.
2. Most listened to bands: I go through phases. I like solo singers a lot so i can sing along but my fave bands are No Doubt, Good Charlotte, Saves the Day, and Better than Ezra. And Ninedays and Lit. I think thats all.
3. Do you find any musicians good-looking?: Oh oh my husband BENJI is oh so fine. Yah.
4. Can you play an instrument(s)?: Ha nice. I used to play piano. And percussion (snare, bass, bells) for 5 years. A lotta good that did me!
5. Type of music most listened to?: I got in trouble for not hearing any of the new ones! Pretty lady go and do that dance! See i know it now:)
6. Type never listened to?: Heavy metal. Yucky.
7. Favorite book?: Princess.
-- Religion --
1. Do you detest religion?: No way G.
2. How do you think this universe was formed?: Duh God made it! :)
3. If you currently follow a religion, do you think people who belong to another religion are ignorant?: No way, everyone has their own beliefs.
4. If you were in a hostage situation, and you were given a choice, to either praise the demon they follow or die, what would you choose?: Die.:)
-- Homosexuality --
1. What is the first thing you think when you see two gay guys or lesbians holding hands?: Nothing.
2. Do you detest homosexuality?: Not really.
3. Do you agree or disagree with gay or lesbian couples bringing up children?: I dont know. Cuz i wouldnt want to be the kid without a whatever (father/mother) figure. But i never really thought about it.
-- General Questions --
1. Whom do you believe is the smartest man alive at the moment?: You mean smartest LADY??
2. What do you prefer, a sunny or rainy day?: It depends how i feel.
3. Do you consider yourself lucky?: Yes. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothing. Very lucky.
4. Do you feel pity for people who commit suicide?: I *HATE* that almost more than anything else. Selfish selfish selfish SELFISH. And how stupid. No one is going to remember them. Not that everyone wants to be remembered, but that is the most selfish and stupidest thing you can do. I am so YUCKY against it. Woo do not get me started. I HATE that. GO AWWWWWWWAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY.
5. Choose one word to describe how you feel most often: Content. I guess? I never really care how i feel. Usually. I dont know.
1. Do you own any plaid clothing?: A skirt.
2. Do you own Converse shoes?: No.
3. Do you own Saucony shoes?: No.
4. Do you own old school Nikes?: No.
5. Do you wear tight pants? How tight is tight?
6. Is there more than one zipper in your pants?: Not that i know of.
7. Do you know what a squatter flap is?: Um.
8. Do you own a messenger bag?: Nope.
9. Do you wear your messenger bag across your chest?: Ahem.
10. Do you own braces?: Own braces? Like have them? In your mouth?
11. Are braces worn anywhere besides the mouth?: Uhhh?
12. Do you have short, shaggy hair?: I hate my hair.
13. Does your hairstyle exceed a height of 3 inches?: Tee hee hee.
14. Would you classify your hair as a deadly weapon?: It isnt sharp.
15. Do you think mohawks are "neat"?: If they like that sure.
16. Is your hair black or red?: No its brown.
17. Do you have a favorite brand of hair dye?: With the lady on the front. Ladies. Theres more than one depending on the kind.
18. Do you own a bandana?: Oh yah.
19. Do you wear plugs in your ears?: Nooo.
20. Are you amused by safety pins?: Nooo.
21. Have you ever used duct tape as a sewing substitute?: Nooo.
22. Do you own one or more objects with studs or spikes in them?: Yaaaah.
23. Do you own one or more articles of clothing from Dogpile, Lip Service, or Tiger of London?: Nooo.
24. Do you enjoy leopard print?: Nooo HOE ! hahahahaha.
Habits/beliefs
25. Are you disgruntled (having a general hate for everything)?: Noo.
26. Are you an anarchist?: I am dumb and dont know what that is:( Am i?
27. Does the American flag anger you?: Nooo it makes me happy.
28. Are you "working class"?: Ohkay!
29. Do you dislike "preps"?: How can you dislike a group of people? Isnt that called um PREJUDICISM? or something.. Tee hee.
30. Do you dislike Hot Topic?: No, cept right now since they did not have good Good Charlotte patches. Meanies.
31. Do you smoke cigarettes?: Nooo.
32. Do you smoke cloves?: Nooo.
33. Are you a thin waif?: A whatcher?
34. Are you vegan/vegetarian?: I dont eat pigs, but thats all.
35. Do you think meat is murder? Do you think salad is murder?
36. Do your nighttime activites usually involve drunken underage vomiting?: Noo.
37. Have you ever slept in an alley or park?: Nooo.
38. Do you wash your hair less than once a week?: Everyday.
39. Have you ever gone a week without a shower?: Noo.
40. Have you ever been avoided due to your odor?: I dont know! Ah! Do i smell bad? I was obsessed with that at New Years. Tee hee.
41. Do you know who Jack Kerouac is?: Nooooo.
42. Do you like Mr. Kerouac?: Ohkay?
43. Should Mumia Abu-jamal be freed from prison?: Noo. I dont know who that is. Yesss. Nooo. I dont know.
44. Are you a member of the Makeout Club? Um. Noo.
45. Do you say "rad"?: Nooo.
Age: 16
Birthday: Nov 30
Sign: Sagiwhatever
Location: Tejas. Tee hee. Minus J plus X.
School: MHS.
Status: Single life is for me.. da di da di da di.. we are single yahh... come with me and be free... da di da di da di..
Natural hair color: Brown.
Current hair color: Brown.
Eye color: Brown. Wow im exciting.
Height: 5'6
Birthplace: FO ONE FO!
Shoe size: 7 1/2.
Parents: Mom and Daddy.
Siblings: Yucky.
Live with: Mom, Andrew, Sarah, Kitty, New Kitty, Cash.
[favorites]
Number: 11,17,21,22,27,33,44,55. and if it needs to be real quiet i guess it can be on 7. Or real cold.
Day: Friday?
Month: November or Spring.
Song: Lots.
Movie: Lots.
Food: Lots.
Season: Spring.
Sport: Shopping? Football!
Class: Theatre. English.
Teacher: This year?
Drink: Pretty pink ones.
Veggie: Yummy ones.
TV Show: Boston Public, Everwood.
Radio Station: K104.5, Kiss106.9, 97.9 or Milwaukee V100.7 or Kiss103.7
Word: Tee hee hee.
Animal: Awww.
Flower: Candle Wisteria! Garden in a Jar! I mean um, Daisies.
State: That i been to? Idaho tee hee. That i wanna go to? NY:)
[ this or that ]
Me/You: You are great!
Coke/pepsi: Vanilla Coke but Diet Pepsi. Weird.
Day/night: Nitie nitie.
Aol/aim: AoL.
Cd/cassette: DVD! Tee hee.
Dvd/vhs: CD! Tee hee.
Jeans/khakis: Jeans. I need khakis.
Car/truck: '02 Lexus Convertible. Barbie car! Yay.
Tall/short: In the middle.
Lunch/dinner: Depends.
NSYNC/BSB: Justin is fine when he's solo.
Gap/Old Navy: Express.
Lipstick/Lipgloss: Gloss.
Silver/Gold: Silver.
Alcohol/Weed: One is legal/One is NOT. Nerd.
[ love and relationships ]
Do you have a bf/gf?: Noo.
Do you have a crush?: Ahh.
How long have you liked him/her: I am so weird with boys. I can like them for a day or a year. Weird.
How long was your longest relationship?: Lets not talk about it.
How long was your shortest relationship?: HA HAHAHAHAHA.
Who was your first love?: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

And that is the end! Yay.

2003-01-03T10:22:00.000-06:00

Tee hee hee i stole this off Emmalee's livejournal. :) I am back in Texas you know. I am so glad i had that partay for New Years cuz it was extra fun but ahem i think i went a little too weeeeeeee... yah. Four mountain dews and we drank a little. I tried to be a pimp haha i got this great picture of me and Krys like
pimp it! Anyways.

DESCRIBE YOUR
[ x ] Wallet - i just throw my moneys in my purse.
[ x ] Hairbrush - violet round thinger.
[ x ] Toothbrush - white and pink with blue on the bristles tee hee.
[ x ] Jewelry worn daily - i change it, or try to, but im not a huge jewelry freak. that bracelet from Mandy and one of my party pairs (earrings) are on now.
[ x ] Pillow cover - um pink, duh.
[ x ] Blanket - white.
[ x ] Sunglasses - i lost my best ones! they were black and plastic. now i still have my brown ones. and my pink lens ones too.
[ x ] Underwear - right now black. i think. yah! match it!
[ x ] Favorite shirt - my new new new new black buttony stripey from charlotte russe. tee hee it makes me smile:)
[ x ] Cologne/Perfume - velocity duh.
[ x ] CD in stereo right now - The Young and the Hopeless, duh. husbands.
[ x ] Tattoos - None.
[ x ] Piercings - 3 in each ear. Not that i wear them anymore. :( aw. In 6th thru 8th i did! But now im like eh, earrings. Tee hee.
[ x ] What you are wearing right now - Jeans and a red tank. Yah i got to take a shower still.

WHO or WHAT (was/is/are)
[ x ] In my mouth - Um. Teeth?
[ x ] In my head - "On and on and on and on and on and on and.."
[ x ] Wishing - For something to drink to appear of the sky! Yum.
[ x ] After this - Shower.
[ x ] If you could get away with it and murder anyone, and for what reason - No one. What an awful conscience. I would feel bad with anyone no matter how bad they mad/make me feel.
[ x ] Person you wish you could see right now - Hmm. Friends! I dont know.
[ x ] Is next to you - Stereo remote and my bracelet.
[ x ] Some of your favorite movies - Gone with the Wind, Clueless, Great Expectations, Legally Blonde, Moulin Rouge, Bill and Ted tee hee.
[ x ] Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month - Hmm. Weekends? Yah.
[ x ] The last thing you ate - Oh um. A cookie! I dont know really.
[ x ] Something that you are deathly afraid of - YOU! AHHHHHHH! Just kidding. I am one screwed up girlie i dont know.
[ x ] Do you like candles - Not really. Cuz it makes me sad. They trap the fire in. BE FREE FIRE, BE FREE! It's like when we had a bonfire, these things are just like huge candles i swear. I hate it caged up so i tried to set it free. The grass was all burnt after though. Aw.
[ x ] Do you like incense - No it stinks. Yucky.
[ x ] Do you like the taste of blood - Umm do people taste it? Hm i never did!
[ x ] Do you believe in love - AHH SHUT UP!!! RIGHT NOW!!!
[ x ] Do you believe in soul mates - :(
[ x ] Do you believe in love at first sight - Infatuation at first sight. Yah that would be me.

[ x ] If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be - I dont want one. They dont like me good and should go where they want.
[ x ] What is the latest you've ever stayed up - I dont know. But once we stayed up the whoooooole nite, watched the sun come up and stuff, then didnt go to sleep til the next nite. Good times, good times.
[ x ] Can you eat with chopsticks - I used to! We did that in 4th grade tee hee. I dont member.
[ x ] What's your favorite coin - I hate change! I throw them away! (not really. i get in trouble when i say that tee hee)
[ x ] What are some of your favorite candies - I hate shoes! Oh you mean oh. Um i dont know.
[ x ] What's something that you wish people would understand - YOU KNOW ANYONE COULD DIE TODAY.

x 001. name: Penelope.
x 002. sex: Girlie.
x 003. age: Sixteen.
x 004. birthday: November 31. Minus One.
x 005. place of birth: FO ONE FO!
x 006. siblings: Yuckies.
x 007. parents: Mom and Daddy.
x 008. pets: Kittie, Cash, and New Kitty.

Body Stuff
x 009. height: 5'6.
x 016. do you bite your nails: Yahh. Naughty i know.
x 017. can you roll your tongue: No meanies. Shush.
x 018. can you raise one eyebrow at a time: ^^^^^^^
x 019. can you blow smoke rings: I never tried that.
x 020. can you blow spit bubbles: Never tried that either.
x 022. can you flip your eyelids out: Ummm no.

Clothes.
x 026. what goes on first, bra or underwear: Undies.
x 027. which shoe goes on first: Right. Always right.
x 028. speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone: I dont remember.
x 031. what's sexiest on a guy: If you are talking outfits Justin Timberlake has the prettiest outfits ever. Yummy. But i have an obsession with hands. Weird.
x 032. what's sexiest on a girl: I think people are prettiest when they smile. But i dont know what do boys like? Actually scratch that. Yuck nermind.
x 033. would you rather be on time and look ok or 10 minutes late and look great: Late. Fashionably of course.
x 034. do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it: I hate spaghetti!

Grooming. (yea grooming, it's time to discuss grooming)
x 038. how often do you brush your teeth: Twice a day. Unless i fall asleep:( I'm sorry dentist! I'm sorry teeth! Look! I will do it extra today! :)
x 039. how often do you shower/bathe: Everyday. Or sometimes two times a day. Cept i skipped one day while i was in Milwaukee. Weird.
x 040. how long does your shower last: like 20 minutes. I have long hair, ohkay?! Sheesh.
x 041. hair drying method: It depends yah.
x 042. do you paint your nails: Yah. They are still gold to match my outift from the other day.

Manners.
x 043. do you swear: Sometimes.
x 044. do you spit or swallow: Ahem. NOOO.
x 046. do you pee in the shower: Ew no. That sounds like a male thing.
x 048. person you talk most on the phone with: Krys or Hailey.
x 049. what color is your bedroom: White n pink.
x 050. do you use an alarm clock: For school. But i am so awful with waking up.
x 051. name one thing you are obsessed with: Ahhh.
x 052. have you ever skinny-dipped with the opposite sex: Yuck no.
x 053. ever sunbathed nude: Yuck no.
x 054. window seat or aisle: Window! Yay.
x 055. what's your sleeping position: ON YOUR BACK, BIOTCH! Tee hee.
x 056. what kind of bed do you like: Little ones! Mine is a queen and i hate it.
x 057. even in hot weather do you use a blanket: Yes i have to have one or else i will get murdered. Just trust me on that one.
x 058. do you snore: I hope not.
x 059. do you sleepwalk: I hope not.
x 060. do you talk in your sleep: My mother told me one time she heard me talking in Danish. *dies laughing*
x 061. do you sleep with a stuffed animal: Teddy bears are fun to look at. But they dont sleep by me.
x 062. how about with the light on: Lights off. Pitch black thank you much. Unless i'm exhausted then i can handle it.
x 063. do you fall asleep with the tv or radio on: Pitch quiet. Unless you know^^^^^.

When was the last time you...
x 064. took a shower: Last morning but i am about to!
x 065. watched bambi: I hate that film!
x 066. cried: New Years Eve Eve. I had no outfit and was just exhausted and ah!
x 067. talked on the phone: This morning i called my mother on her cell. Does that count if it was just a second?
x 068. read a book: Ah i am so bad at that.
x 069. punched someone: Krys pinned me down! I fake punched her New Years Eve.

The future.
x 070. where do you see yourself in ten years: No friggin idea.
x 071. who are you going to be married to: I dont know. Someone good i hope.
x 072. how many kids: 2, Aidan Jacob blahblah and Olivia Rachel blahblah. Or Octavia. I guess my husband can have a say in that. :)

2002-12-24T09:49:00.000-06:00

Krystal and Melissa are sleeping still. It's weird being here. But not at the same time. A lot has happened in the six months i have been gone for. Derek is a druggie. Yes, Derek. The (former?) JV Quarterback, prep boy, my friend is a huge druggie that has been caught skipping school completely and comes stoned. No one talks to Emily. She has the worst reputation in the entire school because she is such a hoe. She gave head to this boy in a locker room at school and got caught. Took him to court, and got him expelled saying he forced her. Everyone knows shes lying. So she got a boy expelled with possible rape charges on his permanent record because she is a hoe and cannot face it. Or something? Singha doesnt talk with Shelby anymore and she has boys buy her skimpy outfits then goes to car shows and models the cars and herself i guess too. Goes to parties with these boys she doesnt know, gets drunk, and who knows what else. Alison is a possible drug dealer, she's got Derek under her wing now. Amy doesnt talk to her. Lauren might not be talking to her. Nathan might have aids. I didnt know him well but hes one of the nicest people for real. Jessica is a druggie. Jessica the girlie who has a poster in her room of how bad drugs are, who preached to us for three years or drugs being bad, sex being bad, who had the best relationship ever with her mother, now does drugs hides it and is probably dragging Sam down too. I dont know if i can handle anymore bad news!

2002-12-21T15:42:00.000-06:00

Wooooow i need to post more. La di da. So um. Updates? Tee hee. Funnn.

~Made the play, one of five 'Ladies of the Court' (in most scenes but few lines, im very happy with it still)
~Finals are thru, dont know how that went, pretty alrite?
~Leaving tomorrow ahhhhh psyched i guess.
~Nervous that our waiter last nite was the sister of the boy we were talking about
La di da... I cannot think of much else. Gotta peee tee hee hee:) Good mood:)

2002-12-07T17:53:00.000-06:00

RAWR! How come i cannot be pretty? I wonder what it would be like to be the prettiest girlie ever. Would you be really snobby? I hope not. And now im missing a party that i really wanted to go to cuz im all sick from being outdoorsies in lil coaties and anyway. The Ring wasnt at the mall theater (yessssss) so we just went shopping and stuff instead. They asked me about wanting a boyfriend,... and then i got all sad... and then i got happy again so it was alrite. I think i laughed a little too much. I really needed to buy pants but im so out of money. What do i do for Christmas? I wanted to make this blankety thing for my mother (we bought this LEARN TO CROCHET thing that teaches you to make it) and yah i am way too bad at following instructions. I learn by visuals! So i dont knw. And daddy i dont know either. I was thinking something with piccies of everyone? Like a big collage! Since we dont see each other but every few months which is really making me pretty sad i thought maybe if he had a thing with pictures of us on it would be like he saw us more. Is that stupid? I dont know la li la. I am excrutiatingly hungry and it smells like really good food here. Just think, i could be off having fun right now but instead im stuck here. Yucky. I wish i was pretty.

2002-12-06T22:20:00.000-06:00

It pisses me off that im so sad right now. JFDKSAJFKDSJ i hate that.

2002-12-05T17:10:00.000-06:00

One thing good about today. Of a few. Im down five pounds from Tuesday:) :) :) :) :) :) :) Dont know how i managed to do that one but im awesomely psyched. YAY:) Also we are going to the films tomorrow nite, they wanna see the Ring... a little scared of that... i dont know if i wanna go at all, i havent been in a really social mood at all this week, i cant believe its already Thursday. Ah.Livejournal, my user name thinger is Sprklydmnd. Yay.

2002-11-30T23:20:00.000-06:00

i hate dumping my shit on people. then i wonder why i have no friends. no one from up there wrote me, called me, anything. nothing. no emails no anything. krystal was on fucking line and she didnt even have the courtesy to message me and wish me a good day. but im very grateful to SoEd for cheering me up with the 20 birthday wishes! How awesome is that? i never usually have even one reply to any kind of post concerning me. so i was very glad. and i mean of course it was fabulous this morning. so its all good. it really bothers me i didnt hear from them though. a lot. and i know that it probably shouldnt. but ah. thats how it goes.

2002-11-29T21:05:00.000-06:00

Highs:
-went to the mall w/Hailey
-bought earrings
-saw Trevor who is so nice
-heard Justin is not gay (yay!!!!)
-got hair cute
-eyebrow wax
-new slippers
-new purse
-birthday gifts

Lows:
-no phone or car even though promised
-told everyone of ^ so now marked as liar
-made mother feel bad cuz of ^
-fucking girlie stuff starts

Pretty good day.:)

2002-11-28T21:23:00.000-06:00

Hungry?

2002-11-27T20:23:00.000-06:00

Yay! So screw money, i called my best friend long distance. Yay! I'm glad. I want it to stay Friday for always. I dont want it to go to Saturday! Or ohkay Saturday forever than. Not Sunday! I am like so rawr for Sunday. Cuz Monday is school! Lol im already dreading it which is awful. Anyyyyway. They went out to eat or whatever so now me and the kids are home like blaaah. I dont want that boy to come while my mother isnt here. So i hope she comes home soon. Eep. Even though i know shes out having fun but yah. I need her here fore he comes. Just for that pup but its all good. I want coffee! Ever since yesterday now im like ah coffee! So i still have to tell my mother. I keep on forgetting geez! But im blabbing of nothing again, YAY! :) :)

2002-11-27T13:31:00.000-06:00

Well yesterday was one of the greatest days seriously. It was just carefree. Specially after that math test was over. Rene got me a birthday gift which was like the sweetest thing ever. And it was great fun all my best theatre girlies got my number to call. Saying of cake or something? And i am so getting a coffee machine. Kelly had coffee in theatre and it was yummm. So i am putting that on my wanting list. :) Yay.

Then i guess i was already on the edge last nite but that stupid post really really got to me. I mean i know that ive been on the edge this week anyway so i spose i was just waiting for an excuse. I guess ever since i got back to SoEd i have been like "maybe i shouldnt be better..." but i dont know if i have the willpower to go back. I dont know if i want to go back. So im glad i guess. I'm still glad to be back though. Fun times:) But then i was talking to Casa mah girlie and now she is all mad so i hope its not cuza me. I told you i was already on the edge just from everything going on here and its like ah whatever. Shes always yelling at me and it pisses me off cuz ill be like laughing or all happy and ill get in trouble. And i know it sounds stupid but it just ruins your mood and blah. Just, bad nite. Bad bad nite. :)

This morning i heard her telling someone on the telephone about me and how she doesnt like me and blah blah. Actually she didnt say that exactly but i mean it was implied. Unless i am remembering wrong. Which wouldnt be a huge surprise. Lol anyway. Today is a good day! I didnt do anything at all. Oh actually i cleaned. I still was going to do my english homework but then decided maybe ill do the chem stuff instead cuz i want to remember what i read so ill probably do that Sunday since we have to get together to work on our project than anyway. School. Blah. I cant wait for this weekend to start. But i dont want it to start cuz then it will be over! lol. No school for me! Muah ha hahaha:)

2002-11-27T12:58:00.000-06:00

This post is just to see if my new stuffs working. ill write more later:) soon!

2002-11-24T10:13:00.000-06:00

I love taking this every few months to see if its changed. So thank you Em for reminding me through your livejournal!

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

So from 9/20 i went up in Paranoid, down in Schizotypal (YAY!), down in avoidant (YAY!) and everything else is the same. I wish he'd just go get that ball hes PISSING ME OFF.

2002-11-23T21:19:00.000-06:00

My mother is PISSING ME OFF. Thank you Casa for letting me complain to you. Dude man though. She comes home after out buying things we cannot afford and tells us to get ready to go out to lunch. But of course once we get there, after she gets her food, she cries instead of eats. Then tells everyone of how shes fighting so hard to stay off anti depressants. Which i dont understand why it would be so bad to have them. Obviously she isnt fighting good enough cuz shes making everyone else miserable purposely i swear. Its different than me or you or anyone. I know i sound insanely self centered and like totally bad but i swear on my life it is so different with her. Now she makes dinner for both my brother and my sister. So im like "mom what can i have?" "i dont care theres gotta be something in there. what about the stuff left over from the restaurant?" "mom i ate all of mine" "oh well ummm just have mine than" "if i liked yours i would have ordered it myself" "oh well we have fruit and i dont know stuff i just went shopping" "ohkay thank you" then she left. and went who knows where. shes back now cuz she kicked me off of aol so she could go call someone else sobbing of how bad she is doing. her cell isnt working which is why she needs the home phone. She doesnt try. And its not like she doesnt because shes scared to tell people cuz she tells every single person that she knows and now no one wants to be around her cuz all she does is cry and she doesnt even want to be happy. She got her meds changed three times this week because they arent working and i swear on my life she is purposely trying to not do good. She wants to go in the hospital so that we have no where to go and child services picks us up. We are her problem. And she wont admit it. Shell tell us how no man could ever want her after we do something but she wont just say that we are the problem. And i dont think she understands that im her daughter, not her psych. I mean seriously there is some things you just dont need to know. I want to help, or i did, until she got all self centered and decided her children arent good enough. I'm so so sososososososo psyched about Christmas likeyou would not believe. But im not allowed to sing Christmas songs or ask about a tree or say anything about it because she is not looking forward to it because she'll be all alone for one week. She doesnt want to spend the holidays alone. Which is understandable. And im probably just being selfish as usual but i think that if she would just put it into perspective she wouldnt be so RAWR. She tears us away from our HOME 20,000 miles away because if we dont come with her she'll "just die" or "have to stay here and be unhappy all of her life" and us being the "perfect lil angels" reluctantly go. I had so many people i could have stayed at. My friend's mothers told me "you can totally stay here girlie" and my father! DUH! I COULD HAVE STAYED WITH HIM! But i cannot cuz mom wont go if i dont. Cuz she "needs us!" So anyway. She pulls us 20,000 miles away from our home to a place that makes me so unhappy i could die of tears but its all good and then i get extremely excited to go BACK to my home for a fucking WEEK after i have been here FOR HER for MONTHS and im going back for a WEEK. So im dying of excitement. But im not allowed to be excited anymore. Cuz shes not. Whatever. I dont even know what im talking of anymore. She needs us yeah to blame someone. So that she has reasons for things. And to step on. Shes not a bad person really she just. Needs help. And how can she not know it? I mean dude. I dont know what she is trying to prove but obviously its something since she is "fighting being on anti depressants" but tells everyone. So i dont get why!! Its not because shes in denial or is trying to hide it! Does she not see how shes hurting everyone? My sister is too yah to know whats going on. But both my brother and i. I know that its bad to him too cuz he's acting even worse now. But he'll do it in more discreet ways. It's weird. Anyway this is such a long post. I know no one reads this anyway but still. I hate having to defend myself cuz this sounds like such a selfish post. Which it is, like all the rest, but i am going to die. I cannot handle this. Ah.

2002-11-23T09:40:00.000-06:00

Cómo quisiera poder vivir sin aire...
Cómo quisiera poder vivir sin agua...
Me encantaría quererte un poco menos.
Cómo quisiera poder vivir sin ti.

Pero no puedo, siento que muero,
me estoy ahogando sin tu amor.

Cómo quisiera poder vivir sin aire.
Cómo quisiera calmar mi aflicción.
Cómo quisiera poder vivir sin agua.
Me encantaría robar tu corazón.

¿Cómo pudiera un pez nadar sin agua?
¿Cómo pudiera un ave volar sin alas?
¿Cómo pudiera la flor crecer sin tierra?
Cómo quisiera poder vivir sin ti.

Pero no puedo, siento que muero,
me estoy ahogando sin tu amor.

Cómo quisiera...

Cómo quisiera lanzarte al olvido.
Cómo quisiera guardarte en un cajón.
Cómo quisiera borrarte de un soplido.
Me encantaría matar esta canción.

Good song.
Talk about self control. Out of 56 pro sites still on my favorites guess how many ive visited since i got this back? 0! I dont know if they are still working that means but its all good. Yesterday we went to the district wrestling at our school. Alls i got to say is them boys must be very comfortable with their bodies and their sexuality. Cuz wow. The end!

2002-11-22T21:17:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday Jen! MUAH! :)

2002-11-20T22:12:00.000-06:00

Stolen from Em. Again!

I taste a bit like Almonds.

Mmm, the taste of almonds - anathema to many with nut allergies, and a bad sign for many more, as my taste is not unlike that of cyanide. Am I good or am I poison? A risky thing to guess about. What Flavour Are You?

2002-11-20T22:06:00.000-06:00

lalalala. not much to say. its like just like yah. i dont really have anything to write but i figured i should. cuz ya know. :) but its all good lalala. im just like blah. look how many fillers are just in the first few sentences in this. that is like all that it is so of course it makes me sound very illiterate. im extremely pissed cuz im doing terrible in math. i think i will end up being like a garbage man or something. they gave me this sheet that says im eligible to fail math. how lovely. what kind of doctors fail math? im seriously like kidding myself. than these girlies talked bad of how we shouldnt be doing that dance or something. whatever. im over it. yah huh.

2002-11-18T22:14:00.000-06:00

Stolen, as usual.

1. Are you male or female?: volcano girls we really cant be beat/warm us up and watch us blow... verucasalt
2. Describe yourself?: she dreams a champagne dream/strawberry surprise pink linen and white paper/lavender and cream/fields and butterflies, reality escapes her...fuel
3. How do you feel about yourself?: everybody acts like the fact of the matter is i cant add up to what you can/..like a whirlwind inside of my head... linkinpark
4. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend?: all i can say tonite is i hate you/it will be alrite/we could see each other sometime/if i could somehow make you mine... savestheday
5. What would you rather be doing?: i wanna feel something sweeter than this sin/..cuz im so sick and tired of being sick and tired/i know i can love you... kendallpayne
6. Describe where you live?: maybe i could leave you at your door/then leave tonite and vanish at the shore/anywhere but here... betterthanezra*
7. Describe how you live: a spiderweb and its me in the middle/so i twist and turn/but here am i in my little bubble/..theyve spun a web for me... coldplay
8. Describe how you love: love is like a punishment/homegirl here to represent/so innocently you seem to come my way/while tinkerbell and cupid play/they sit there and they laugh/i sit here and i cant believe my eyes/youve found me at last/but we're to human to see the way we'll agonize... nodoubt

2002-11-17T19:25:00.000-06:00

my tummy is aching! today was a regular day. i dont really have anything to write i just want to see if my comments are working yet or not. hmmm. oh i did finish the new years invites though. yay! i hope its fun. i hope we get only the best folks to come. cuz some people... hm... yah.

2002-11-16T20:52:00.000-06:00

so its not working. but hey its all good! thao messenged me! how weird is that! i havent talked to her in ages. 2 years? anyway good day. la la la. scary shows are on tonite! weird. oh man i thought i was gonna die it was so bad! sixth sense! oh dude. anyway thats all for now. i like those pants. hm.

2002-11-15T21:46:00.000-06:00

big shout outz to Casa for making my blog be prettier. helping me with the piccie which by the way is from http://www.fallenangelstudios.com/ which is a little on the scary side. but its all good! :) Just becareful you dont click on that satan eyed lady. Or the nakediees. But there is some fun piccies. Very nice! Not really fun but gorgeous and you know. Dark and deep or something of that nature. Anyway! Casa is the grandioustess! And im so glad of her! Yay! Thank you girlie! Now if only i could get my archives going... hmmmmmmmmmmm. LOSA! Rawr blogs. Rawr mes. Rawr HOT ROOMS LIKE THIS. :) :) muah!

2002-11-15T19:49:00.000-06:00

so today was a good day. for the most part i mean. but then i heard from mom and not good stuff is up and i just feel bad. i dont ever do anything and i mean im not helping her and even when i try i know that its not good enough and ah. her blood pressure is waaay too high and shes at risk of stroking. her friend james, his wife had a stroke when she was my mothers age and she didnt have high bp or nothin. but her kids were grown and she didnt work and i mean. my mother is all that we have. if anything were to happen to her, and im talking just even if she had to go to the hospital for a week or something. im not even talking life threatening here. what would we do? she said the protective something would take us since we cannot stay here by ourselves. we have no relatives here nor good friends and my father lives across the country. james told her she should get a maid or a nanny to take care of things so she does not have to worry of it. but we dont have the money for that. i know we add on most of the stress especially with my sister and shes the only parent so she works soooo much. and i just feel so bad cuz i feel there is not much i can do. i mean i said i try, clean the house, take care of the kids but its not enough and everyone knows it. i hope its ohkay.

2002-11-14T15:52:00.000-06:00

All stolen from Ms Em's lovely livejournal. Thank ya dahlin!

~Find Your Beauty Aura~

Which era in time are you?

So i had stayed home again! Actually it was pretty goofy. I woke up at 5 with the alarm, took a shower, got dressed, and was about to make breakfast so i could have my pills at 6 when my mother walks in the kitchen and says "why are you up? i didnt wake you cuz you arent going to school". well, hey, im not gonna argue i mean she IS my mother:) she thinks im getting worse. fun! so i really do have to go tomorrow since ive really only been there once this week. Hmm. Not the smartest thing ever but hey what are ya gonna do. Anyway not much to say right now. muah!:)

2002-11-13T16:53:00.000-06:00

Came home just before second hour. So i missed Speech, Chem, and Spanish. Aw well. I am feeling really ARJDKA! I cannot believe how fucking stupid i am. This boy i kinda was checking for started talking to me about Saturday saying he heard it got crazy. And i think i may have not purposely led him to think i did it too and that i do that kind of thing a lot. and i DONT. at ALL. and ahhh. now hes going to think i am a hoe. or everyone thinks i am all talk now i think. cuz nicki asked me about dancing this one time and i told her of how we were kicked out of mandys private school from that and then at the party i didnt dance. and i just got all crazy cuz of that stupid boy. and now i think they dont like me. they were SO nice like friday. and then monday i went by em for lunch and at strike they didnt talk to us and ah. i know they were busy and we were doing different things in different places but dude. just when i think i found people i screw it. i hate this dude. i screwed it up! and i need adviceeeeeeee. ahhh man.

2002-11-12T11:57:00.001-06:00

I actually just thought maybe i should make a new aim profile. What to do what to do. I dont know how to make it fun. Ah.

2002-11-12T11:57:00.000-06:00

well i went to the doctor and got meds so hopefully i wont lose my fucking voice again! yay! of course not the most yippee skippee thing in the world. Waste of a day i think. I had a lot planned. Anyway they weighed me. 110 with my winter coat, outfit, shoes, all the above. Shit. Not good at all. Course i wont do anything about it. But with Amanda strutting around with her little "How much do you weigh?" every six seconds its hard to not think of it. I really need to stop dropping back to my bad language. Ahh. I cannot think. What do i need to do? Write Zee, Send Jess a present, Clean my room, Figure out what to do for my birthday, Print New Year Invites. It seems pretty silly to do that over a month ahead of time but considering im over 1500 miles away, hey its all good. Whatever i need to do something. I never know what to write in here anymore. Hmm.

2002-11-10T21:04:00.000-06:00

im pissed off now. SO PISSED. i should have had fun. i should not have had to worry of that friggin boy. i should have had a fun time at that party. i needed that fun time. i have not been to a party in so long. and now i got to go and couldnt have fun. pisses me off. RAWR. i cannot think of anything else. and its pissing me off. so pissy. rawr. the end. so pissed.

2002-11-10T00:23:00.001-06:00

YUCKYUCKYUCK.

2002-11-10T00:23:00.000-06:00

ahhhhh. ohkay so im real sorry for not writing in forever. i seriously have not been online this entire week with the exception of a bit this morning. crucible calls ya know. but now its over. we had our last show today. and it was really fun and i was so psyched to go to the cast party and dance my lil heart away and blah blah. until. oh man. so bad. i walk past this boy and he sticks a flower out and goes here. and im like what? and hes like do you want to go on a date sometime? AHHHHHHHHHHH. and hes a freshman and this girlies brother and i do not like him like that! AT ALL. and so i do not really remember what i did. but everyone knew that he liked me except me. how does that work? so supposedly i handed him it back and went um be right back. or something? and walked over told nicki and shes like i know! everyone knows! and im like AHHHHHHHH. and so it was really bad. so i avoided him the rest of the time. and i went to the party but i couldnt have fun. and im so sad now cuz i really wanted to. but OH MAN. i had to spend the entire time avoiding him. and i feel really bad. but you do not do that to people! its hard to say what its like. but AH. i really wanted someone to like me i know but not him! i thought that he was my friend but now i do not even want to look at him. at all. and that isnt good! and theyre all like (since every single person knows) its just one time! but if i really really really really really do not like him wouldnt that be like misleading? i know it sounds incredibly stupid. and it probably is. but it PISSES ME OFF because he ruined my nite. this was the last performance. this was the cast party. it should have been fun. but instead im hiding out avoiding people. what a loser. my bad. so his sister is gonna talk to him. cuz i cant. i cannot look at him. i hate him! he ruined my nite! and im being selfish but MY GOSH. NOOOO. ah i am such a loser. but i hate this so much. boys arent supposed to act like that. you dont do that! i make the first move like that. ME. i like you first and then twirl you of my finger. im a gabhoe. thats my job. and then they just try to take it? no way man. no no no no no no no. i didnt get to have fun. i danced a bit with one of my friends but he is a real hyper-dancer-boy and he didnt want to mop of me so im like ahhh i have to leave right now so i hitched a ride with a friends mother cuz i couldnt wait for the sm to take me. who would i hang out with? then while we were leaving he told jenni to tell me hell CALL ME. oh no. im not answering my telephone. im never looking back at this post and im never mentioning this again. i feel like i am about to vomit. sorry for the visual. PISSES ME OFF.

2002-11-03T15:03:00.000-06:00

So today was all fine. Uh huh. Then my mother got home. I asked her if she would read over my script for theatre with me cuz we are to perform tomorrow and i really need to make sure i have it down pat. She looks at it and goes "I do not like this. Why are you always doing stuff about death and dying?" And im like "This is the same one still, we are to perform it tomorrow so i just need you to run the end with me." So she makes this like 'whatever' kinda face and does it, adding little sneers and turning her nose at it the while thru. Then once im thru im like "how did i fall? ohkay?" cuz in it (its the suicide one i think i mentioned it earlier) i grab the gun from her and kill myself instead and want my fall to not look fake. and then she goes in this huge thing "i do not think high schoolers should be doing a play about this." So who does she want to do it? I ask her but she does not reply to it, just says "you know how i feel about this." But i do not! I know she thinks its selfish. But i do not understand why she has to act so fjdksljfk - ish. AH man. It pissed me off so bad. It's just like ohkay first, isnt the majority of suicide and attempts among adolescents? I think i will look it up. So shouldnt people be aware of it? I know lets try to shelter our children from everything so people call them niave and they feel vulnerable to everything and are afraid of their own shoes!! Sounds like a plan! Even though im not afraid of my own shoes. But even she implies that im getting out of hand. So i do not understand what her problem is. The other day she picked me up 45 mins late and i was crying hysterically. And shes all like "im so sorry i didnt mean to blah blah" and gives me all these excuses, thinking im upset that shes late. Then when she finally realizes its not always about her, she asks me whats wrong. So i told her of how i am standing there behind these doors and i see this black cat standing near looking at me. And im like no no no no no and tear up. And the friggin thing WALKS IN FRONT of me. It was the worst thing. And im getting all frantic just remembering. So then shes all like "i understand its important to you but do you not think that is silly and stupid?" So i do not know. I guess i am not dealing with thing right? Ohkay i understand that she just had like the worst week probably in her entire life, but what does she expect from me? I am so sick of everything. And it pisses me off even more that i do not have anyone to talk to. Or even anyone to call up and hang out with to help take my mind off things. It was so much easier to bear when i could be gone. When i didnt have to think. What to do what to do.

2002-11-03T12:04:00.000-06:00

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

After i took it and got this one i looked at the other possible results, and i think either the narcistic or obsessive compulsive one fits more. But thats how it goes.

2002-11-03T11:46:00.000-06:00

stolen as usual:)

Name: i hope that you already know this one!
Nicknames: oh man ummm louis? hehehehe.lelly and all.
Schools: Martin *yuck*
Hair color: Boring Brown.
Eyes: *See Above*
Height: 5'5
Siblings: One of each.
How many cassette tapes do you own? None.
How many cd's do you own? *Counts* 66. But guess how many are burned? Ahem. Guess how many i listen to? Ahem.
How many mp3s do you own? What do you mean like downloaded? 200 something. I delete them when im thru with em. :)
What color are your shoes? My everyday ones are white and pink.
Describe your bedroom: Stupid stupid bed that takes up most the room, lil table in the corner cuz theres no other place to put it (filled with candles though so its all good ~ i think ima put piccies there too), dresser/mirror, closet door, storage door. Fun, huh? Riiiiiiight. My bed quilt is white and that table has a pink thing over. My telephone is pink and theres a pink bear by it. Then theres also a piccie frame on the dresser too. Then that table is like tucked in this little corner cuz my room is like attic-y shaped. And the candles on it are pink. We are going to hang a um you know like pink flowy fabricy thing but yeah. And maybe a Wisconsin flag. Then in my closet there is all my famous people posters taped up. Anyway.
Are you a vegetarian? Nope. I do not eat pork though. But everything else yeah. The pork thing started five years ago.
How about an aspiring actor/actress? Riiiiight. *cannot act for sheit*
What famous person dead or alive would you interview if you had the chance? Passed: Gene Kelly, Judy Garland, Aaliyah, Cary Grant Here: Gwyneth Paltrow, a fine boy:)
What movies do you have almost all the lines memorized to? Clueless. Dude Wheres My Car. Pretty much all Disney movies because all my sister does is watch them.
What is right next to you? Nothin... a wall... this is in the game room so um theres a couch and tv.. we did not do much here yet woops!
What are the last four digits of your home phone number? 9267.
Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? Ahhh.
How many people are on your buddy list? 73.
How's the weather right now? Warm. In the 50s.
Are you too shy to ask a girl/guy out? Ahhh.
If you could change your name, what would it be? I do not know.
What will your first son's name be? Please do not let me have a son. Unless i have a fine son so that all the girlies be after em so theyll come to my house. I like chillin with lil girlies. So cute. I want my son to be a heart -throb! Let me think. Aidan i like. But i need a biblical name to go with it. Ooo i really want to think of one. Hold up! Aidan Jacob? Like "Aidan Jacob Jones" or "Aidan Jacob Shiskabob". Whatchu think?
What will your first daughter's name be? hmmm. Olivia Rachell? Or um Isabella Michal or Octavia Michal? Hmm. I need a biblical middle name. And i like Rebekah, Michal, and Rachell. But first names? Ah! Do not know.
Dysfunctional family? Hmm.
Are you a virgin? Yes M'am!
What posters do you have in your room? None! They are all in my closet!
Are you happy? ehhh. sublimely? nope. theoretically? yep!
Are you talking to someone right now? Casa just left! i think she was getting majorly annoyed with my baby name questioning. Sorry chicie! :)
What time do you wake up in the mornings? 530 weekdays.
What did you have for breakfast? Cheerios!
Who would you hate to be left in a room with? Ahhh.
Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No i have such a short tongue! Aw.
Who inspires you? Ummm people? Uh.
What characteristics do you despise? Conceitedness! When people are fine and they will be the first to tell you! I HATE THAT RAAAAAWR. DIE! (not really thats bad)
If you had a big win on the lottery, how long would you leave it before telling people? Me too man id be telling everyone who'd listen.
Where would you retire to? Noooo!
Can you juggle? Hm. I used to kinda be close. Lol.
What makes you sad? Oh man.
What song are you listening to right now? Dont go Chasin Waterfalls....
Do you have a LiveJournal? No Sir!
If you were an ancient Greek god what would you be god of? Sillybilly - ness.

FAVORITES
Deodorant: Secret, ditto as Em.
Shampoo: Back to Basics:Green Tea. My hairstylist recommended it and it makes my hair so soft and light! i love it! :)
Soap: Right now i have violet Dial.
Colors: PINK! white:).
Radio station: 104.5, 97.9
Kind of music: Whatever.
Cartoon character: Eeyore!
Sex or shopping: SHOPPING. DEFINITELY. CREDIT CARD? THANK YOU!!!!
Color of post-it note: pink!
Color of lightsabre: pink!
Song: Toughie! It depends:).
Food: Subs! YUMMMMMMM.
Drink: I agree! Lemonade! Or NO! GLORIA JEANS MOCHA CHILLER! oh man i miss those:(. :)
Candy: SUGAR! Wow.
Lust or love: Ahh. Scary.
Scary or funny movies: It depends. Lately its been scary.
Talking to people on the phone or in person: Person. I have to see expressions.
Favorite language you can't speak: French. I love romance languages. Italian? Or maybe that just sounds like itd be pretty.
Gold or silver: Depends on the mood.
TV show: AHEM *changes it to Television Program* Umm... Boston Public (even though i have not watched that in forever), Everwood (ditto), Third Watch (ditto).
Beach or city: City, no question. I miss it so much.
Summer or winter: Spring.
Ice cream: Chocolate chip cookie dough:) or Mint Choc. Chip. I am so unoriginal!
Buttered, plain, or salted popcorn: Yucky.
Car: 02 Lexus Convertible. One day i will have one!!!!!!
Sandwich filling: Um.
Flower: Hmmm.
Fizzy or still water as a drink: What?
Day of the week: Friday.
What is your anthem: I do not know.
Best song to make out to: *see above*
And best song to cry to: *see above the above*
Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter: Harry Potter. I will not EVER see Lord of the Rings cuz i HATE Elijah Wood with a passion. YUCK!

DO YOU BELIEVE...
In God? YES!
In Heaven/Hell? YES!
In life on other planets? Hmm.
In miracles? YES!
In fate? Hmmm.
It's possible to remain faithful forever? Hmmm. Not for me probably. Not faithful as in sleeping around. Cuz i do not think ill ever be like that. But i get sick of boys so fast. So i think my eyes will always be wandering even if i physically am not.
In astrology? Hmmm.
In magic? Like what?

FRIENDS AND CRUSHES
Do you have a bf/gf? Awww.
Love anyone? Ahh.
Who's your loudest friend? Uhhhh.
Who is the smartest? Hilz?
Who do you go to for advice? No one? Casa!!!
Who do you cry with? No one?
Do you have a secret crush? Oh man. YES.
Do they know yet? Nope.
Do you remember your first love? Ahh.
Still love him/her? Ahhh.
Do you have any gay or lesbian friends? Sam?
Do you have a best friend? I call a lot of people my best friend. But i do not know.
Who do you miss most? Uhhh.
Last person you kissed? Do not remember.
Most important trait for a bf/gf? Uhh. I'll let you know once i find one.
Who would you choose to kiss? Ahh.
Would they want to kiss you too? Ahhh.

DO YOU...
Smoke? No M'am.
Do drugs? No Sir.
Have sex? No M'am.
Sleep with stuffed animals? No Sir.
Live in the moment? No M'am. I wish.
Have a dream that keeps coming back? No Sir.
Play an instrument? Not anymore.
Read the newspaper? No.
Go to church? I should. We were supposed to try Elise's today but my mother had to work.
Do well in school? I wish.
Go to or plan to go to college? Plan to. Twelve years of it baby.
Wear hats? No M'am.
Have any piercings? Three for each ear. Wear earrings? Nope.
Have any tattoos? No Sir.
Hate yourself? Hate is such a strong word.
Have an obsession? Ahhh.
Collect anything? Nawwww.
Wish on stars? I do not see any? Its 1137am!
Like your handwriting? Nawww. Hence why mine is from copying other people all the time.
Care about looks? Yes. So much. Bad i know.
Eat Oreos? Nooo.
Consider yourself tolerant of others? Sometimes yes sometimes no.
Consider love a mistake? Ahhhh.

LAST THINGS YOU DID
Last book you read: Im readin All Quiet for school. Before that we did um. Iliad? Yeaaah.
Last movie you saw: Queen of the Damned.
Last song you heard: Cry.
Last thing you had to drink: Sprite.
Last thing you ate: Cheerios.
What was the last film you saw in the cinema: Sweet Home Alabama?
What did you do for your last birthday?: Went to Mayfair with folks then had Sam n Jess sleepover.

HAVE YOU EVER...
Been Mean? Oh yeah.
Been sarcastic? Never...
Talked to someone you've had a crush on? Oh yeah.
Missed someone? Oh yeah.
Fought with your parents? Oh yeah.
Laughed until you've cried? Oh yeah.
Watched a sunrise/sunset? Oh yeah.
Went to the beach at night? Nope.
Tried to analyze your own dreams? No way. Too scary.
Lied to get off the phone? Oh yeah.
Written a survey? Oh yeah.
Written a song? Oh yeah.
Written a poem? Oh yeah.
Bought a cd for just one song? Oh yeah. And i did not regret it.
Been in an airplane? Oh yeah. Denmark, Amsterdam, Canada, Washington State, Florida, DC, Texas, and back.
If so where were you flying to? *see above*
Been so drunk you blacked out? Nope.
Missed school because it was raining? I missed school cuz i couldnt find my purse once.
Set a body part on fire for amusement? No.
Kept a secret from a friend? Oh yeah.
Had an imaginary friend? Imaginary enemies? Yes. Not friends.
Wanted to hook up with a friend? Oh yeah. Some males i trust too much i think.
Cried during a movie? Oh yeah.
Liked a teacher? Like checked for one? No.
Thought a cartoon character was real? Nope.
Prank called someone? Oh yeah. Haha. "YOU KICK MY DOG?" oh man. good times.
Had a hickey? Nope. That is So trashy yuck.

TODAY HAVE YOU...
Smiled? Yah.
Laughed? Not yet.
Cried? Nope.
Bought something? nope.
Danced? Actually yeah. lol.
Been sarcastic? Never...
Talked to an ex? Noooo.
Watched your favorite movie? Noooooo.

THE END. Geez that only took 4 hours. Phew! :) Not really.

2002-10-29T21:08:00.000-06:00

dude. how come tiffany moved to a new school and she already has a fine boy? WHY CAN I NOT? not fair. not fair not fair. i told casa i wanted a cowboy. :) hehe. dude just like i do not even know. i need someoneeeeeeeee. nowwwwwwwwwwwwww. im getting extremely impatient. the end. for now.

2002-10-29T19:29:00.000-06:00

bad bad bad going on happenings. anyway.

this is so humorous to me. rofl.

How can I label you?
brought to you by Quizilla

i did not like my results for the other two. anyway... lol:)

2002-10-27T19:50:00.000-06:00

tomorrow is school again. nooooo. i sooo do not want to go. i was thinking today. its not really even that i do not fit in here. i really do not think thats it. i think its i do not fit in anywhere. so what am i to do? i cannot go back to milwaukee. just because ohkay. i have not heard from them in weeks. no letters no ims no anything. krystals birthday is tomorrow but she doesnt bother keeping in touch with me so i mean dude. i wrote her letters. she never wrote back. people cannot just stop talking to me and then pretend to be my friend again. i dont know about new years now. i was so extremely excited to go back there so i could see everyone and have this great new years party at my fathers new place and blah blah. i dont want that. i dont want anything. there is not anything i am looking forward to now. and that has never happened. and i do not know what to do. and its like. ahhhhhhhhhh man. and i do not want to be here though. but i do not have a choice. but i hate it. one good thing thats come from all this is that im taking more risks now. so thats good right? i mean live to the fullest blah blah shit or whatever. i do not even know what im talking of. ahh i do not want to go. do not make me pleeease.

2002-10-26T17:57:00.000-05:00

what do people do online? like for real. i always used to look up ana stuff. or check the boards. or talk to people. but now i cannot do any of those things. so really. what do people do? i know i have to find a scary story for speech cuz we are having a little halloween thinger. but after that what do i do?

2002-10-25T20:52:00.000-05:00

RAAAAAAAAAAAAWR. i hate this i hate this. i dont even know man. its so bad cuz there seriously is not anything up. its just me being stupid. and hanging on to things that arent real. or arent here. and just GR. leave me alone. i dont even know like what my problem is. besides everything of course. if i just had one person to talk to i would be content. one! my gosh what is wrong with asking for one person to trust? never never ever had i thought of it to be like this. i never thought i would be so unhappy here. but look! its happening. im such a leech here. i meet a person and since i dont know anyone still and feel stupid just standing by myself i follow them around like a puppy. i mean how pathetic is that? but then you think that these people most of them have known each other since the first grade. you think they would be getting sick of each other and want to talk to someone new. youd think that, but its the opposite. theyve been with the same people for so long that they have all the same friends and trust each other so they all gossip and talk of people that you cant know about and of things you arent allowed to know, then they hang on the same people, feel comfortable with the same people, because theyve been together for years so its just natural. then you stick someone in *namely me* and they really do try but it just isnt good enough. not that its their fault, i mean im the one who came but still. like i said before though, i really think it is just me. why are other new people fitting in fine? i swear man. something about me people just love to hate. you know how many of my folks up north i still talk to? hahahahaha NONE. do you know how many SoEders i talk to on a regular basis? hahahaha NONE. im all fucking alone and i hate it more than anything in the world. i just want to scream so loud that my head bursts so i do not have to think of it anymore. what a visual.

2002-10-22T22:17:00.000-05:00

Which Disney Princess are you?

2002-10-22T21:40:00.000-05:00

im running back to ana. trying to. ahhhhh. what a stupid idea. i do not have my pills anymore unfortunately which means if i do a bagel for breakfast, water at lunch, and try to be ohkay for dinner, im going to be exhausted. and that means during rehearsal ill be dizzy and faint. but i remember how much i used to love that. i just hope that means my tummy does not start aching. i hate that. or when it makes noises. does anyone know what to do of that? its so embarrasing. wish me luck. i need this i do i do. ahhh. just one day. just so i know i can. i have to do good at our open scene tomorrow. i do not know which is more important. i think i have got it memorized for the most part. look i have a geometry test tomorrow and i did not finish the homework and i am already failing it and im not even worried of it. no im more worried of the performance on friday that will last two minutes and not count on me at all. alritie. ohkay i have to do good. raaaaaawr. the end:)

2002-10-22T18:54:00.000-05:00

stolen from em who stole it from ky who stole it from somewhere. i dont think this is going to be applicable since im better but its all good. i love quizzies incase you couldnt tell:) shouldnt trigger.

[How old are you] 16 next month. ahhh.
[When you look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see] i see ugly a whole lot more than i see fat. id much rather be much prettiful than much thin, but i cannot change ugly now can i? its all good.
[Would you say your vision is distorted] naw. its called smartness.
[Have you ever been diagnosed by a doctor with an eating disorder] no sirreee.
[Are you 'pro-eating disorder'] oh bageez. had those days, through with it thank you.
[How long have you had an eating disorder] it would be two years now but ive been better for... 4 months? more? anyways.
[What is your BMI] 17.8:( :(
[What is your current weight] 107.
[What do you want to weight] under 100.
[Are you on any medication for your eating disorder or any other mental illness] nooo.
[Besides your ED, do you have any psychological problems] not doctory tolder me.
[Have you ever been admitted Inpatient] nooo.
[Have you ever been in any other type of program for your ED] noooo.
[Do most people know about your eating disorder] all my middley school buds knew i had in 8th grade cuz i was too obvious but i think everyone forgot last year thankfully. and now im at a new place and im better so its all good.
[Do you believe in "The God" 'Ana'] shes a friend silly not a god, theres only one God. sheesh.
[What are your biggest triggers] mine arent really seeing people its more when people talk of what they ate or you know. its not about weight with me anymore. if it ever was.
[Do you like having an ED] i want it back for sure.
[Do you want to recover] i am.
[Who are your biggest supports?(in recovery)] meeeeeee.
[Who are your biggest supports?(pro-ed)] everyoneeeee.
[What is your biggest fear-food-(a food that terrifies you and you refuse to eat, even if it has nothing to do with calorie/fat content)] i do not think of it unless im in a ana moody.
[Do you have any safe-foods?(foods you are not afraid of)] n/a.
[Would you classify yourself as underweight, average, or overweight] ehhh i think average. i told you its not of weight anymore.
[Do you know what caused your eating disorder] ill tell you a different time.
[Do you have any friends with eating disorders] Ciera, Jesse did, Emily, Teresa. theres more. its sad. uh huh.
[Have you ever or do you often pass out or blackout because of your lack of food or electrolyte imbalance] back in the day.
[What size pants do you wear] oner.
[Happy with the size] dont mind it. could be better.
[Honestly, even if you were the smallest size possible, (00, 0, 1), would you be happy with it] no. i dont care of that member.
[Are you obsessed with numbers] not in the ed sense.
[Do you really believe that eating disorders are about the food, weight, size you wear] not for me at all. some people sure.
[Are you in recovery] im better yes.

the end! im such a stealer oh well!

2002-10-21T21:26:00.000-05:00

thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you. i am so so glad that its all good. phew. thank you for being ohkay. wowie. big relief. so much. but now of course i am listening to these songs. still worrying of my theatre performance. i cannot get into this character. this may be an awkward time to talk of it. but oh well:). the script we have is an exerpt from a play so i mean it just jumps into it and you cannot really identify with the characters than. some of the writing is oh so good but some is like so fake to me. i dont know. so im playing this girlie who is listening to her friend talking of how she is about to kill herself. ahem. sorry guys:(. but its like. really dumb i think. and man its pissing me off i cannot do it. cuz the people i was practicing with are so amazing. and im like not good at it at all. and it pisses me off. so i have to work that before wednesday. i dont know i dont know. what else? well i am ecstatic that she is alrite. thank you girlie. oh my gosh. i love you so much thank you for being ohkay. ahhh. made my nite. what else? not a lot i think. i still do not know what of my birthday. i could have sworn i wanted to talk of something but i do not even remember. weird. anyway i guess that is all. and i probably should go to do the homework that is do tomorrow but wouldnt it just be better to keep working on my theatre script? i nneeeeeeeed to do good on it. to prove to them and to prove to myself that i can. rawr.

2002-10-19T23:35:00.000-05:00

*More stolen from Mar. Sorry girlies muy boredo*

1. Who are you? you should know.

2. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you? psh. like i know. ohkay! im selfish is one. im goofy is another. and im sleepy is a third. its all good.

3. When you aren't filling out 5,000 question surveys what are you doing? i dont like these questions.

4. List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least. *spanish*theatre*speech*dance*english*chem*geography*geometry*

5. What is your biggest goal for this year? good grades. and make friends at this stupid school.

6. Where will you be in 5 years? college i hope.

7. What do you want to be when you grow up? plastic surgeon.

8. Are you more child-like or childish? ish. i think?

9. What is the last thing you said out loud? "i am so looking for that"

10. What song sums up your life right now? i dont know.

11. Does your life suck? no. so many people have it much worse than i do.

12. Does your life get better or worse each day? its all good.

13. Does time really heal all wounds? not to me.

14. How do you handle a rainy day? i dance in it and rejoice of the good times it makes me remember.

15. Which is worse...losing your luggage or having to sort out tangled holiday lights? luggage i like untangling.

16. How is your relationship with your parents? whatever. we all use each other. its all good.

17. Will you miss them when they are gone? duh.

18. How do you want to make your living? i think we did this one already.

19. How do you want to make your life? um happy. or what?

20. Has life ever given you a second chance and how? i dont know. i guess?

21. Are you more of a giver or a taker? taker.

22. Do you make your decisions with an open heart? i dont like hard questions.

23. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you? abuse is bad man.

24. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you? oh man.

25. Who have you hugged today? no one.

26. Who has hugged you? kristin half hugged me when i found the prop book.

27. Do you have a lot to learn? of course.

28. If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by working what would they be? math. sing. dance.

29. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do or how other people make you feel? i dont know.

30. What are the key ingrediants to having a good relationship? i dont know i dont have those.

31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die? live. and thats all. live goodly. yeaaaaah.

32. what three things would you want to die to avoid doing? get back to me.

33. Is there a cause you believe in more than any other cause? not that i can think of.

34. What does each decade make you think of:
The 19..
20's: best times ever.
30's: my grandparents. 33 and 37.
40's: Anne Frank. beats me.
50's: Grease.
60's: Temptations.
70's: John Travolta.
80's: Madonna.
90's: Paula Abdul.
*am i in a music theme tonite?*
2000 (so far): apples.

35. Which decade do you feel you belong in and why? i dont think there is one i "belong" in. but i personally wish i could have lived in the 20s. in case you didnt figure that.

36. What is your favorite oldie/classic rock song? beats me.

37. If you could say any sentence to the president of the usa what would it be? i would ask him if he knows where the word "fixin" came from and why does he and every other Texan say it.

38. What's your favorite tv channel to watch in the middle of the night? video films are better.

39. What Disney villain are you the most like and why? hmmm. Snow White's Queen probably. the whole vanity thing i guess.

40. Have you ever been a girlscout/boyscout? yep.

41. If you were travelling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat? i have never taken a boat. so maybe that.

42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night? cuz by night time all the color runs out. duh.

43. What does your name mean? do not know.

44. Would you rather explore the depth of the ocean or outerspace? ocean.

45. Word association
what's the first word that comes to mind when you see the word:
air: bear.

meat: cows.

different: no doubt.

pink: oh yeah.

deserve: cookies.

white: pillows.

elvis:belts.

cilantro: belts.

heart: broken.

clash: outfits.

pulp: orange.

46. If you could meet any person who is dead and famous who would you want it to be? Ms Sarah, Judy Garland, Gene Kelly, Cary Grant.

46. What if you could meet anyone alive and famous? Gwyneth Paltrow.

47. Is there a movie that you love so much you could watch it everyday? Nopes.

48. You are going to be stuck alone in an elevator for a week. What do you bring to do? video films. televison set. food. drinks. pillows. jammies. covers. SLUMBER PARTY!

49. What one cd would you bring to listen to for that week (no mixed cd's..must be an album)?: one i could sing to since no one could hear me anyway.

50. Have you ever saved someone's life or had your life saved? not that i know of.

51. Make up a definition for the following silly words..
fruitgoogle: special glasses to see under clothes. hahahahaha. yuck though. all the nerdy boys would buy those. sorry thats all i can think of!
ambytime: ample amount of time to do something trivial.
asscactus: pointy fingers.

52. What was the last thing you made with your own hands? well i tried to help with set. but that didnt work good.

53. What was your favorite toy as a child? do not remember.

54. How many tv's are in your house? four. brothers room sisters room mothers room rec room.

55. What is your favorite thing to do outside? dance in the rain. go for walks.

56. Have you ever seen a rainbow? yeah. this one time in florida we took a picture with it.

57. Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true? lets hope not. ive had to go to counseling cuz i have not good dreams. ahem.

58. have you ever been to a psychic/tarot reader? no.

59. What is your idea of paradise? not here.

60. Do you believe in heaven and if so what is it like? yes. i do not know.

Do animals go to heaven or just people? both.

61. Do you believe in Hell? yes.

62. What one thing have you done that most people haven't? hmmm. move 1500 miles for no reason at all? i dont know do people do that in everyday life?

63. What is the nicest thing you have ever done? um. attempt to be positive so i dont make people feel bad. i guess?

64. Are you a patient person? not usually.

65. What holiday should exist but doesn't? sleepy day.

66. What holiday shouldn't exist but does? friday the 13th. although its not a holiday. DIE!

67. What's the best joke you ever heard? that frog thing. i do not know!

68. Where is the most fun place you have EVER been? i do not know.

69. Is your hair it's natural color? yes.

70. Do you have any deep dark secrets? yes.

71. What is under your bed right now? um carpet.

72. If you were in the land of oz what would you ask the wizard for? ruby slippers.

73. If you drive do you frequently speed? no way.

74. What is the world's best song to dance to? beats me.

75. What song was on the last time you danced with someone? long ago.

76. Do you prefer disney or warner brother? disney. good songs.

77. What is the first animal you would run to see if you went to the zoo? polar bears.

78. Would you consider yourself to be romantic? yes. shhhhh.

79. If the earth stopped rotating would we all fly off? nope.

80. What is the one thing that you love to do so much that you would make sacrifices to be able to do it? spin in circles.

81. If you (and everyone) had to lose one right or freedom but you could pick which one what would you pick? thats tough.

82. If you had to choose would you live on the equator or at the north pole? pole.

83. Would you rather give up listening to music or watching television? television.

84. What do you think makes someone a hero? courage. just like mar said.

85. What cartoon would you like to be a character in? i do not know.

86. Name one thing that turns your stomach: no comment.

87. What was the last thing you paid for? telephone call.

88. Que pasa? nada. esta muy abburido en mi casa y yo tengo nada hacer. puedes ayudarme?

89. Get anything good in the mail ever? not for awhile.

90. Which would you rather take as a gym class...dancing, sailing, or bowling? sailing.

91. If you died but were instantly cloned and the clone retained all of your memories and characteristics and continued living on as you, would it be you? no. feelings? i dont know. i dont get it. not smart. see?

92. What insects are you afraid of? all of them.

93. If you could print any phrase ona t-shirt, what would it say? i do not know.

94. What's the most eccentric thing you have ever worn? psh who knows. im not very different in my outfits. pink, red, white, black.

95. If you could pick one food that you could eat all you wanted of forever and not gain a single ounce from what food would it be? cookies. or ice cream. or pizza. or subs.

96. What are your parents interested in? mom, work. dad, girlfriend/newest daughter.

97. Have you ever caught a butterfly? no.

98. What is the differance between wishes and plans? Which do you find the most helpful? i dont know.

99. What do you think of the following shows?
get smart: ? never saw it.
cribs: i miss that so much. loved it.
m.a.s.h.: never saw it.
roswell: never saw it.
daria: alrite.
pop up video: odd.
spongebob squarepants: goofy.
invader zim: stupid.

100. You are spending the night alone in the woods and may bring only 3 items with you. what do you bring? a hotel. sunlight. party guests.

101. What does happiness/joy feel like physically? physically um i do not know.

102. List the ten people you love most starting with the one you love the absolute most. everyone.

103. How many movies have you gone to see this month? in theatres zero.

104. If you could have 3 wishes...but none of them could be for yourself..what would you wish for? true happiness to everyone for eternity. no violence. no poverty. i guess?

105. In what ways do you relax and destress whn you are really tense? i hate relaxing.

106. How much money would it take to get you to drive to school naked in the spring time and get out of the car? i would not ever do that.

107. Make up a personality type that only fits you and give a brief description of it. supposedly i am a 7. but everyone says 4. but i think 3. its all good.

108.Where does fashion come to life? i do not know.

109. What do you think of cloning? leave it for the sheep. thanks.

110. Do you read more or watch tv more? television.

111. With all this terrorism going around are you willing to sacrifice rights and freedoms for increased safety? i hate that.

112. What is the best punishment you could come up with for osama if you caught him alive? put him in a room with american women that hate his guts. dont let anyone hurt him and dont let him hurt anyone else. you know how little he thinks of females? ooo you know so many have so much to say to him. what a shock that would be.

113. Have you ever named an individual part of your body? nooo.

114. Have you ever been on the radio or on tv? yeaaah. just like "hey look its me!"

115. Have you ever won a lottery, sweepstakes prize? no.

116. Have you ever won a contest or competition? i got fourth for city in forensics. second performance so that wasnt too bad. that doesnt really count but you know.

117. dO YOU FIND bOB rOSS (THE HAPPY LITTLE TREES GUY) TO BE A VERY CALMING SHOW TO WATCH? (sorry about the caps) whatever that means.

118. Do you know what your grandparents and your great grand parents did for a living? my grandfather on my mothers side worked at a mill and my grandmother on her side was a homemaker. thats all i know.

119. Is there anything really interesting in your family history? not that i know of.

120. Is there anyone you trust Completely? not in the world.

121. Do you believe in god? most definitely.

122. Should there be a woman president? sure.

How about a president who is not christian?sure.

how about a non-white president? sure.

123. Would you rather have an indoor jacuzzi or an outdoor pool? swimming pool.

124. What things are you interested in that you study/read up on on your own? i do not know. it depends. member my antarctica day? great times. great times.

125. Would you consider yourself to be intelligent? most definitely not. which is why i need to work.

126. Would you consider yourself to be wise? definitely not.

127. Would you donate a hundred dollars to cause to be able to slide into a pool of jello? i would not ever want to slide into jello. but if there was a good cause id give them what i had.

128. Have you ever spoken to a homeless person? no.

If yes what happened?

129. Have you/would you ever creep into the subway tunnels to go exploring? ohkay.

130. If you could add 70 years to your life but only by making someone else die 70 years sooner would you? no. i better be dead before fifty.

131. Can you finish any of the following lyrics? probably not.
a: I dust my lemon lies with powder pink and sweet...
b: this girl named carol follows darrel every gig we play...
c: I could make a film and make you my star...

132. Are we having fun yet? im sleepy.

133. Would you rather be the president or a rock star? actor. i do not care if its an option. :)

2002-10-19T22:28:00.000-05:00

*Stolen from Em who stole it from Mar who got it who-knows-where*

Past
first grade teacher's name: Mrs Buck

last thing you said: "i am so looking for that"

last song you sang: Oasis - Wonderwall (thats what i was looking for! and i found it!)

last person you hugged: do not remember.

last thing you laughed at: wait i know this one! um. wait! um. wait! um. wait! um. wait! yeah! wait! ohkay! yeah! today sometime.

last time you said 'I love you ': do not remember.

last time you cried: like 2 seconds ago. its all good.

Present

what's in your cd player: Better Than Ezra.

what color socks are you wearing: none.

what's under your bed: nothin.

what time did you wake up today: quarter to seven.

Future

what is you favorite day in the future: tomorrow.

where do you want to go: Wisconsin.

what is your career going to be: hopefully plastic surgeon but thatll never happen when im failing math.

where are you going to live: Wisconsin.

how many kids do you want: one or two.

what kind of car will you have: Lexus convertible.

Current

current hair: up.

current clothes: pink flannel jammies.

current annoyance: andrews game music.

current smell: none.

current longing: bye bye headache.

current book: nothing.

current worry: ms tara, math, selfish things.

current hate: me.

story behind your username: i dont know.

current favorite article of clothing: jammies. these.

favorite physical feature of the opposite sex: fine-ness. but i look. no touch.

last cd that you bought: do not remember.

favorite place to be: six flags.

least favorite place: texas.

time you wake up in the morning: 530.

if you could play an instrument what would it be: piano.

favorite color: pink.

do you believe in an afterlife? yes.

current favorite word: jammies.

favorite book: The Great Gatsby.

favorite season: autumn. or spring.

one person from your past you wish you could talk to again: ahem.

one person you wish was here right now: ahem.

favorite day: Friday.

thank you!

2002-10-19T17:16:00.000-05:00

well today had the chance to be a perfect day. two reasons that screwed me over. one is a lil nasty on the girlie thinger you know rawr i hate that. second. how do i know if they are alrite? oh man. the whole day. i think i cried all the tears out that i could yesterday. so i was safe in that sense. but gosh. i am hoping they are both ohkay. i need for her to come on and tell me it was a lie and shes just playin and its all good. but she wont. will she? please tara come back. brynn girlie come back. i need you to come on and tell me you are alrite. i am begging everyone if they hear anything to mail me *pinkdmnd@yahoo.com* asap pleeeeeease. :( :( :( :( :( i dont know how to handle these things. ahhh. gosh. i dont know how to feel. i dont know anything now. except that im so fucking screwed. alrite once the cuss comes you know it is time to shush. its all good.

2002-10-17T20:56:00.000-05:00

bad bad bad bad bad. first : waaaaaaay too much homework. oh man and im not even kidding. it might be nothing to some people but i cannot stay up until midnite on a school nite anymore. old age. speaking of with. another bad thing. maybe the worst? no no but whew no fun. so i was watching csi in my brothers room cuz someone had told me it was a good show so im all like alrite! ha yeah then someone was hanging which is so NO to me since one of my friends almost died that way. so im already like omigosh no way man AHHH upset so i go in my mothers room to watch will and grace with her. "have you figured out what you want to do for your birthday yet?" so i told her nothing. and shes suggesting if its only a few people we can rent a limo. to do what??? im just like no its fine. and then she goes on of how so and so from her work is looking forward to it and so and so is doing this to get ready and how i only turn sixteen once and im just like ahhhh. sure i do. but we had to move right before that didnt we. yeaaaaaaaaaaaah. nice job there! so then im already holding back the tears thinking of how i DO only turn 16 once and im like the biggest birthday freak oh man so even if you guys dont understand it. and even if it sounds selfish. this was a huggge thing to me. then she has the nerve to suggest flying one of my "friends" down. yeah the ones i dont have? none of them even try to keep in contact anymore. i mean its like. i sent my friend shelby a birthday present two weeks ago. i know that she got it because she told me online "hey i love the gift thanks:)" and everyone is "oh you should be getting a letter soon!" um yeah. ive been waiting unpatiently for 3 weeks now. i used to call them, and write them, and talk to them online and they havent done anything back. they used to, but now even my best best friend since first grade comes online for 2 seconds and then leaves. whatever man. what was i talking of ? oh yeah. so also in the day. my gosh. i thought my old school was conceited? compared to this they are angels. its like so unbelievable. youd think with 4,000 students people would find someone else to torture. so that boy i was all happy about of theatre ahem yeah he saw me eating lunch with that person people that he hangs out with made fun of before and now he doesnt talk to me. he doesnt look at me he doesnt acknowledge me. and i met this girl today. oh man. all i did was hey whats your name? cuz she was sitting by me and there was 4 people in the room and the other 2 were talking. right after we introduce ourselves she quick jumps up "so who do you hang out with?" and when i tell her like of the girlie them other boys do not like she kinda "ohhh" like all ummm dont talk to me. and then she starts naming people one of who i thought was my friend until crew started and is in my theatre class. so then shes all oooh so you have theatre with so and so and so and so and names some conceited people of that same cliquey. and goes on of how THOSE are the kind of people she hangs out with. then she abruptly leaves. slap in the face on me! raaaaaaaawr. i know it doesnt sound that bad. but its just like ahh. im not used to it. and even if i was i still would not be able to handle it. i hate going there so much. sooo much. im getting all upset just thinking of going to school. and of course im wasting more time when i should be doing my homework since tomorrow i have two huge tests that i need to pass so that i do not get kicked out of crew. even though that actually wouldnt be an awful thing since none of them like me! what no one understands is that these people have known each other since first grade. most of them, except maybe one or two that moved in 3rd or 5th or something. so they all have their own little groups. and they are so gosh darn snobby cuz i go to the "wealthier" one since it has the highest academic program. i hate it i hate it i hate it. and two of my friends are about to DIE. and im talking of me. now if that doesnt say something on my character i dont know what does.

2002-10-16T22:11:00.000-05:00

come back writings! come back... show up...

2002-10-16T22:01:00.000-05:00

yay they work. ohkay girlies man. i dont even know what to say. i am very sorry if you are not doing good. and i want you to know i really really care of you but i just dont know how to handle that sort of thing. *see open scene topic in previous entry*. Yeaaaaaaaaaah. and i dont know how to help you. even though i want to! but its just fjsdakl;fds ajkl to me. hard to explain. what else was i to say? i dont remember ill think of it soon. hmmm.

2002-10-16T18:25:00.000-05:00

comments? work? la dum. so today was alrite. except man dude. i found out that yesterday while i was gone in theatre they picked partners to do an open scene. and the partner thing bothers me not at all. but guess what the topic supposedly is. suicide. grrrrrrrrreat. im not sure if thats what it is, its just what i heard. but it would make sense cuz we just watched a movie kinda with it in. raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawr. but it was a very good day pretty much. i am so swamped with homework. look what a procrastinator i am! ahhhh! three tests too yipe. yeah i do not have a lot to say today. except comments! WORK! NOW! :)

2002-10-15T21:25:00.000-05:00

oh yeah!

What is your Alter-Ego
Personality?

2002-10-15T21:12:00.000-05:00

ohkie dokie this isnt workin? check check. oh i took some quizzes.

Congratulations, you're Dallas, one of the stars of Texas.
What US city are you? Take the quiz by Girlwithagun.

Congratulations, you're a Pillywiggin, a trouping flower fae.
What kind of female faerie are you?
Take the female faerie quizby Paradox.

hmmm.

2002-10-15T10:31:00.000-05:00

stayed home from school today. obviously. usually i feel guilty like "oh i really should be there" but now i only feel guilty im not doing my homework. ive been doing english for half an hour and it should have only taken ten minutes but i keep zoning out. of course my mothers radio is on for the puppy and with my door open i can hear it. well i heard this old old song and wanted to put it here before i forget.

I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one Can change your life except for you
Don't ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things'll go your way
Hold on for one more day

You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin' your worries pass you by
Don't you think it's worth your time
To change your mind?

Repeat Chorus

Breakown/Chorus

I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day
And you break free from the chains
I know that there is pain
But hold for one more day
And you break free right from the chains

2002-10-14T21:19:00.000-05:00

you know what. pissing me off. alrite. so its true i am not in a bad mood. im not sad or anything right now at all. if someone came over and asked me to dance on the front lawn with them right as this moment id be shouting and screaming and having a ball. but if everyone is going to say exactly what is up then so am i. and i am so fucking tired of people's shit. this is true honesty here. and every single person is to hate me for it. but alritie. like i dont know of anyone who actually beliefs they are a bad person. i dont care how much you deny it you know in your heart you dont think that. cuz otherwise you would change. i mean really what is stopping you? but so anyway. i pretty much always just figured i was a good person. but its starting to occur to me that people dont really like who i am. i dont know what about me. im just not likable i guess. i mean yeah people will talk to me or whatever. but everyone i know gets sick of me. and dont even go "oh that isnt true" shut up cuz it is i dont care what anyone says. not that anyone will say anything since no one likes me! but im tired of caring of that. its like whatever, not my problem. i mean really man. all i can do is be honest with myself and do what is best for me. you know that saying "boys come and go but friends are forever"?? bullshit. im telling you right now that is pure bullshit. do you know how many of my friends i still talk to? zip-a-dee-doo-da..zip-a-dee-a... NONE! yeah so whatever. call me selfish, call me conceited, whatever. hell ill call myself that for you. but im so sick of trying to impress everyone when i already know they arent going to like me. so i dont get what am i supposed to do. its so stupid cuz its like. im trying as best i can to help people. but i guess i do it too brash or something. cuz i dont sugar coat things much anymore. its just like *this is reality* and *this will happen to you if you dont (fill in the blank)*. and i suppose that upsets people. hmmm. whatever. i am the only thing ill be stuck with through my life. no matter how much you try and say different i swear on my life everyone knows its true that people will come and go. that whole "oh we'll be best friends forever more" is bullshit. ive talked to way too many people telling me how they do not talk to their high school friends anymore or after they moved they lost contact etc etc. and ive done the same thing. same goes for online. casa, girlie i used to talk to so mucho much and had blasts with, faded away and i never talk of her anymore. em, who awhile back i talked too pretty frequently, ditto. tara my aloha chat buddy from forever ago, ditto. and the list goes on. and i care about all them more than the world but its just like. people get sick of me! told ya. its all good. its so unbelievable that im not like in a bad mood. i guess its just how i usually am feeling. but its not like "oh lets go cry pout and sulk now". man im ready for anything. so mark me selfish. i know you want to. its fine. because i am not caring of how people think of me anymore. im sick of it.

2002-10-14T21:04:00.000-05:00

i hate this school more than ever and im not liking anyone now since everyone hates me but its all good and im actually in a good mood. cept i have tons of homework. but i dont care today which is really bad oh well! yay! monday! only four days this week! yum! :)

2002-10-14T10:06:00.000-05:00

ahh man i wish i would have woke up at 6 again. sooo much. 830! no way. and now i have wasted an hour and a half on the stupid computer. crew today and i do not know what to wear. it may be a tech day which then i should wear old clothes but i want to look ohkay cuz you know. so much homework too. but so much cleaning. i did nothing friday which pisses me off cuz i had the entire day and would not have had to rush. in actuality i had thursday evening, friday all day, saturday afternoon, sunday morning. and i wait til now. RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRR. i think i will start with cleaning. except once i start then i dont stop. so maybe ill get ready first. yeaaah. but then i dont want to wear a bad outfit while im cleaning and such. ohkay now hes whining to go on as usual. rawr. :)

2002-10-13T12:56:00.000-05:00

i dont know if i should be writing this when everyone can see it. which actually if you think of it is kinda sad or pathetic (take your pick) when everyone else is not in the same place as me now. i guess im just getting sick of being blaaah. and so i am really not trying to get anyone angry at me, sorry if i offended you with anything i wrote/will write/etc. i guess im pushing my ideas and such on people. oops. its just not worth it to me anymore. which is good i guess. i dont know i just feel so selfish. and i keep looking at everyone like "my gosh how selfish". which is a little um weird yeah. but im not understanding. which is really low on my part since ive done some of the same things.ahh brother more later.

2002-10-13T07:59:00.000-05:00

la lalalala. nothing to saaaay. we are going shopping today! yay! so psyched. what else? dont know. ohhhhh we got halloween costumes yesterday:) ima be dorothy! haha. and rene said she would go with me. and we are to be goofy and go to all these fine boy houses. because here they still go trick or treating in high school! weird! and now im not there for edwins annual halloween party:( and my mother will not let me have one since my birthday is in amonth! i know it is a lot of money for 2 in that lil much of time. but i think well have fun. i wish someone was having one! but i dont know anyone! i hope you guys are good:)

2002-10-12T01:09:00.000-05:00

so i had just had two writings posted. *poems, but i call em writings cuz i hate that word:)* but yuccccccccky. that one i was speaking of is just too yucky. hard to understand too. let me see to find a different one.
alrite here is my favorite. old but oh well.

Cleanliness is godliness
so dont even touch me,
Space is so precious
cuz it just has to be.
Gasping for breathe
i'm trapped in once again.
Anxious to panic
when feelings begin.
Bacteria of the palms
comes with everything i do;
No preparation, the numbers
in my head - added up they equal you.
One obsession turns into two
and two turns into grand:
The math works out perfectly
but it doesnt wash dead hands.

Or maybe no. Wait. This one is not rhyming.

Dream this way for me.
Please.
Id love for you to hold me tight.
Forever.
Just to reassure me that youre only mine forever.
Its hard to see beyond looks and first impressions.
So listen with your eyes;
Hear me with your soul.
.i love you.
Please dont let that grow!
Tell me how youll care more never and tell me where to go
so that i dont do it first.
Rip my heart out for me. Then it feels better.
Work in mysterious ways,
just as i think.
But dont fix everything for me!
i hate that.
And only come on Wednesdays.
i love you.

i like that one cuz it is sooo me. hmmm. anyways. im kinda sleepy. i have not stayed up this long in centuries. well maybe not centuries. but you know. a long long long long while.

2002-10-12T00:52:00.000-05:00

stole this! ky:)

Which Avril Lavigne Song Are You?

2002-10-11T14:17:00.000-05:00

i have so much to do. clean clean homework homework clean clean. too bad i do not want to do any of it. today i wasted the entire day doing absolutely nothing. seriously. i have been here the majority of the day (computer yuck) except taking the dog for a walk and making them food. that is terribly disturbing. i wrote last nite which i havent done in 4378978 centuries. maybe post it later so you guys can kinda get how im feeling. even though yeah. mine never make sense to other people. hmmm. weird. but its all good. i really rawr do not know what to do. yuck yuck yucky yuck. ooo i want to watch a video film. what one? i want to go to blockbuster! hey i cannot walk anymore. there is nothing by us here. were like tucked away its so stupid. whereas at our old house we walked to blockbuster, walgreens, mcdonalds, etc. thats the best thing of my hometown, you can do SOOOO much. its sooooo boring here. yuckkkky. but hopefully we are supposed to go to the mall sunday. that would be the third thing i have done with people from school outside since school started. which is pretty pathetic. but hey! thats me! la la i am so bored. what to do what to do.

2002-10-08T20:35:00.000-05:00

i want to apologize to all you guys. im so sorry for not being there for you lately. i know not a lot of people that read this, but of the few that do, the majority seems to not be doing well. and i just want you to know that i love ya much and miss talking to you. i just rawr yeah. incase you havent noticed i keep doing bad bad bad bad then awesome then bad bad bad bad that goes again. so i dont think i am in a place to be all "oh gosh but gee golly how great everything is!". you know. but really. i hope you are well.

2002-10-04T19:05:00.000-05:00

awesome. almost every single thing about today was awesome. thank you God so much. oh my goodness. its so amazing. i like get right up to the brink and then i have a day like this. so before the schoolbell rang this fiiiiiiiiiiine boy that i actually said we had kind of talked to before me and hailey but oh my gosh. it was so awesome. he just came over and sat there and talked. then his friend came and i was like oh two fine fine boys talking to ME. ME! that was so fun:) no boys talk to me here! oh man. then second hour was just la la whatever. third the same. not bad just not awesome. lunch was goofy. than spanish we had a sub and we watched toy story 2 in spanish. how fun is that! and we were just laughing and it was so great and this fine boy was talking to me again and i was just like oh fun. it was so wonderful you guys ahhhhhhhh. and i found out one thing i am good at! pretending! i dont know if that is something to be proud of but alrite. haha. cuz usually im all like yeah whatever when i really am so screwed and just a mess inside and wanting to scream and die and today it was like im all yeah whatever but im like screaming of joy on the inside. weird! then afterschool we stayed after and this boy was talking to these two girls and looked at me and said something corny like "and who is this lovely lady?" and im being all slow of course looking around like me? but yeah. then three of us were waiting to be picked up and we're just speaking and whatever la la and he pulls up and their like "you have a car?" haha and he looks at me and "you want a ride?" and keeps on doing that and im all "no thank you" smiley and stupid as usual and then turns to them and no really do you guys need a ride and their like no were good and then back to me and ahhhhh. i felt so like yay people notice me. cuz im slow like that yeah. look how excited i get for no reason. anyway yeah i dont care cuz im happy. but now um yeah im at home and thankfully no one is here now but anyway. :) muah hope everyones doin good.

2002-10-02T18:49:00.000-05:00

yuccccccccccccccccccccccccccck. i thought it would be different. i really did. so atleast before we moved here i had hope. i was unhappy, but i always thought "when i go to a new school people will like me more" or "itll be better at a new school with good friends" and blah blah the list goes on. then the realization of wow maybe it could even be worse here came. then it was like "oh if i do theatre crew after school maybe ill meet people". well now that that has started what do i have? ive lost the one thing i thought i could always count on. what to do...

2002-09-27T15:49:00.000-05:00

*in reference to today's earlier post* oh geez. i guess i didnt copy the advice part :( but this is more explaingfksj. yuccccck someone come murder me while i am sleeping please! :)

P1nkSp0tlite (4:01:37 PM): so it was english k
Imaslve4u (4:01:40 PM): *takes out book and marks it unselfish*
Imaslve4u (4:01:44 PM): okkkk
P1nkSp0tlite (4:01:45 PM): and i was just minding my own buisiness
P1nkSp0tlite (4:01:50 PM): LOL you are a goof :-)
Imaslve4u (4:01:57 PM): keep going!
P1nkSp0tlite (4:02:07 PM): and so la di dum i finish my test and im like oh i can finish my homework de espanol
P1nkSp0tlite (4:02:14 PM): so i take it out and am like la di dum
P1nkSp0tlite (4:02:18 PM): writing the answers
P1nkSp0tlite (4:02:26 PM): when this stupid boy behind me hits my arm
P1nkSp0tlite (4:02:31 PM): so that the pen goes all FJDSKFJSKA
Imaslve4u (4:02:33 PM): ahhh
P1nkSp0tlite (4:02:34 PM): so im like dude
P1nkSp0tlite (4:02:37 PM): please stop
P1nkSp0tlite (4:02:40 PM): and he does it AGAIN!
P1nkSp0tlite (4:02:42 PM): so im like dude
Imaslve4u (4:02:45 PM): ahh!
P1nkSp0tlite (4:02:49 PM): and then la di da
P1nkSp0tlite (4:02:53 PM): 10 mins later
P1nkSp0tlite (4:03:00 PM): he calls me and so i turn
P1nkSp0tlite (4:03:06 PM): and he hits me with a marker!
P1nkSp0tlite (4:03:08 PM): :-( :-( :-( :-(
Imaslve4u (4:03:12 PM): what the fuck!
Imaslve4u (4:03:14 PM): argh
Imaslve4u (4:03:17 PM): sorry for the f bomb
P1nkSp0tlite (4:03:21 PM): lol
Imaslve4u (4:03:22 PM): but that is one really stupid boy
P1nkSp0tlite (4:03:24 PM): and then hes like
P1nkSp0tlite (4:03:30 PM): wait no this was before that
P1nkSp0tlite (4:03:37 PM): this other boy that sits next to him
Imaslve4u (4:03:41 PM): ok
P1nkSp0tlite (4:04:14 PM): is all like "wisconsin do you hang out with jamie r*****?
P1nkSp0tlite (4:04:18 PM): and im like yahhh why?
P1nkSp0tlite (4:04:40 PM): and he goes "hey carl carl (boy behind me) wisconsin chills with jamie r****"
P1nkSp0tlite (4:04:50 PM): and then he looks and me and goes "really?'
P1nkSp0tlite (4:04:57 PM): and im like ummm yeaaahhh why?
Imaslve4u (4:05:01 PM): whats wrong with jamie r*****?!
P1nkSp0tlite (4:05:02 PM): and he makes a gagging face!
P1nkSp0tlite (4:05:11 PM): and im like DUDE what is your problem?
P1nkSp0tlite (4:05:13 PM): and hes like
P1nkSp0tlite (4:05:16 PM): shes ugly
P1nkSp0tlite (4:05:18 PM): FSDJAFKJDSKFSDJK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Imaslve4u (4:05:22 PM): oh man!
Imaslve4u (4:05:28 PM): god i am so sorry
P1nkSp0tlite (4:05:30 PM): its ohkay
P1nkSp0tlite (4:05:32 PM): but im like
P1nkSp0tlite (4:05:34 PM): GEEZ
P1nkSp0tlite (4:05:37 PM): and im NOT used to that
Imaslve4u (4:05:40 PM): no that is not cool dude
P1nkSp0tlite (4:05:44 PM): cuz not trying to be conceited
P1nkSp0tlite (4:05:51 PM): but no boy was ever ever like that to me before
P1nkSp0tlite (4:05:55 PM): so i dont know what to do
P1nkSp0tlite (4:06:15 PM): oh wait so i told jamie yesterday how this boy was drawing on my arm and such in that class
Imaslve4u (4:06:16 PM): try and ignore them :-(
P1nkSp0tlite (4:06:21 PM): which is the same boy right
Imaslve4u (4:06:25 PM): riiight
P1nkSp0tlite (4:06:31 PM): and so today at lunch
P1nkSp0tlite (4:06:37 PM): he walks past and kinda smirks
P1nkSp0tlite (4:06:42 PM): and im like "rrrrr i hate him"
P1nkSp0tlite (4:06:48 PM): unintentionally under my breath
P1nkSp0tlite (4:06:58 PM): and shes like who?
P1nkSp0tlite (4:07:02 PM): and everyone looks lol
P1nkSp0tlite (4:07:04 PM): so im like
P1nkSp0tlite (4:07:20 PM): that boy right there thats the english boy that i hate
P1nkSp0tlite (4:07:30 PM): and shes like ooooh carlll he is an ass
P1nkSp0tlite (4:07:34 PM): and im like dude no kidding
Imaslve4u (4:07:36 PM): yah he is!
P1nkSp0tlite (4:07:57 PM): and shes like he always used to be mean to me and everytime i would say something he would tell me im stupid and stuff
P1nkSp0tlite (4:08:00 PM): so i just ignore
P1nkSp0tlite (4:08:01 PM): them
P1nkSp0tlite (4:08:05 PM): BUT GIRLIE I CANT!'
P1nkSp0tlite (4:08:05 PM): :-(
Imaslve4u (4:08:15 PM): i have people like that in my french class
Imaslve4u (4:08:23 PM): and they are like wooo mean
Imaslve4u (4:08:31 PM): but they give up when you ignore them
Imaslve4u (4:08:52 PM): i beeeeet he likes you! like they do on cartoon shows!
P1nkSp0tlite (4:08:59 PM): yeah but this isnt a cartoon
P1nkSp0tlite (4:09:01 PM): its high schoool
P1nkSp0tlite (4:09:05 PM): and im NOT used to that
P1nkSp0tlite (4:09:07 PM): and i HATE it
P1nkSp0tlite (4:09:10 PM): cuz i am a LOSER!
P1nkSp0tlite (4:09:12 PM): *tear*
P1nkSp0tlite (4:09:15 PM): lol
Imaslve4u (4:09:27 PM): you are not a loser at all
Imaslve4u (4:09:28 PM): really
P1nkSp0tlite (4:09:41 PM): but for real. its like. all the fine boys are friends with him. so i mean even though he is ugly like a little justin timberlake wannabe.
Imaslve4u (4:09:59 PM): hes just trying to show off for his loser friends
P1nkSp0tlite (4:10:26 PM): its like dude. all the people that are all "A" or you know are friends with him. and im like ohkay you know what. cuz that means its only ugly boys left.
P1nkSp0tlite (4:10:34 PM): and i know i am being extremely shallow and stupid like that.
P1nkSp0tlite (4:10:40 PM): but that is how i grew up. cuz you know.
Imaslve4u (4:11:13 PM): i dont think you are being shallow or stupid or anything like that
Imaslve4u (4:11:32 PM): i just think its sad that you had so much fun at your old school and then you get stuck with all these losers
P1nkSp0tlite (4:11:45 PM): see but like
P1nkSp0tlite (4:11:50 PM): RAWR i dont know.
P1nkSp0tlite (4:11:52 PM): i dont know what to do.
P1nkSp0tlite (4:11:59 PM): i HATE going to school. more than anything.
P1nkSp0tlite (4:12:04 PM): and ohkay like today.
Imaslve4u (4:12:18 PM): i dont think there is much that you can do
P1nkSp0tlite (4:12:20 PM): jamie and jennifer were having a contest of who could make me laugh.
P1nkSp0tlite (4:12:25 PM): and you KNOW that i am a goofy person!
Imaslve4u (4:12:32 PM): riiight
P1nkSp0tlite (4:12:37 PM): but i seriously hate it so incredibly much that i cannot even pretend now.

2002-09-27T15:43:00.000-05:00

i hate this school i hate this school i hate this school. or maybe i just hate me?? i think thats right. why am i so stupid about everything? i used to be really optimistic haha yeah not now. so today is homecoming. three guesses who isnt going. but its not like last year. its huge here. im talking huge. they wear these huge things that their boys or girls give for them and they all rally to the gym and decorate hallways and have a good time. and to me it is the most depressing thing in the world. atleast before when i had no boy checking for me i had my girlies to chill with. i had my boys to talk with. but now i have no one. and no matter how much jamie tells me "oh you are loved though!" or laura says "smile!" i cannot even pretend. it is killing me and i do not even know what to do. i had a really nice coversation with casa yesterday about it and i really should post it cuz she gave me good advice so what is my problem? i saw one of those fine boys. and that made it all the more worse. do you know? i am nothing but a loser to them. the people last year that i laughed with, cried with, pranked with, chilled with,.. the same kind of people laugh at me now. look over me now. and i cannot help caring of what people think. i cannot help it so when people tell me "oh girlie dont even worry what they think" *newsflash*that doesnt help. i hate this i hate this i hate this. and its not even like its an awful situation. its just me being selfish and shallow like i am used to. cuz before we were like that. all of us. and here its so different. and i hate it how i am feeling more than anything in the world. what the fuck is my problem AAAAAAFJDSKFJKDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2002-09-25T16:03:00.000-05:00

dude. where are my comments! i guess i will have to figure whats up. but oh man! I GOT CREW! i was sooooo psyched. oh man. in 8th grade before i came to soed theatre was my LIFE! than last year i got too caught up socially with things and now im so excited! i filled an application for crew and checked the callboard today... guess whos name was on there... MINE! muah hahahaha. :) so it was so cool. then in dance i got real homesick and talked to jamie.. found out she used to be leah... felt a little better telling her of last year and how much i miss it and wish i didnt. yeaah. i got a 90 in geography for the semester. geometry oh man. we have a test coming on friday. as of right now today my average is 69.2! AH! if i fail then i have to go back to regulars instead of honors and i am already behind! so she said unless i fail the test, i am set! woo yay:) i guess that is all i can think of right now. where are my commenting systems???? RAWR!

2002-09-24T16:50:00.000-05:00

so earlier in the day i was real down. im saying real down. and i was at the point where i was thinking real bad cuz i felt there was no other way even though there ALWAYS is but i just wanted to get away from everyone - especially me! but its all good. man i change moods a lot. lunch got better. this fine fine boy smiled for me and just ah. i dont know. it seems that every time i am in an awful mood one teensy thing will happen that will change it around. i never see this boy at lunch but he was just there today. and he smiled for me. and pointed for me. and i was so happy. then in spanish i talked with people like the whole hour cuz we were grading folders with the teacher individually. and it was just happy from then on. i got 2 letters also today. i dont know. yummm:)

2002-09-23T21:18:00.000-05:00

la la i have nothing to speak of the end! :( sad for boys so silly:) muah!

2002-09-22T20:39:00.000-05:00

oh man. alrite background info: i used to sometimes ask my sister "sarah am i fat?" and shed get real cute and "no hunny you are skinny". well. ahem. todaaaaaaaay. AH. she goes "oooo fat" while im stretching. and im like what did you say? "you are fat!" oh man i wanted to die. no wonder probably cuz i eat so gosh darn much. and its really pathetic cuz the only thing that grows on me is my belly. im so for real man. yuccccccccccccccck. anyway i dont want to talk anymore. lol.

2002-09-21T20:02:00.000-05:00

i have nothing to say yet. what is that song "fill my heart with gladness take away all my sadness ease my troubles thats what you do" i cannot think of it and its fun to sing! RAWR. :) yeaaah but its all good. i do not want to talk of today. it was just plain you see. yeaaaah. lots of food involved. oh ! i was going to say that my hair ! OH MY GOODNESS it is so not cool. it never never was like this before. i mean it always comes out like when its being brushed or what not cuz its THICK as can be. but my head is like ah! i am so sad of that! and i do not understand it cuz i am eating sooooo much. but like ohkay today we went to these antique shops in this farther town and i look down to try this necklace on and there is hair from atop my head on my top! like a lot! im not talking one strand, im saying 7. and that is too much at a time. ahhh so i dont know what is up. yeaaah and my mother was being wrong earlier cuz of this whole thing but yeah we pull into mcdonalds and go "i suppose no one else wants anything since our family seems to be so keen on fasting". wtf?!? my brother does not eat a lot. but she does not not not need to drag me into this. raaaaaaawr. she knows i have tons of junk that i DONT NEED. whatever man.

2002-09-20T20:36:00.000-05:00

i hate hate hate how i am the worst. seriously i am so bad at being good. (you know). i love blogs. reading other ones. to realize how off track and fat i actually am. seriously its awesome i wish i could sit here all day and read them. or no, really have them stored in my head every second of everyday. that way i could excercise while thinking of them. awesome.

2002-09-20T16:16:00.000-05:00

oh gosh! i had a GREAT day! yaaaaaay i am so glad. i really needed that. yeaaah nothing really happened persay. anyway if it did i dont feel like talking of it much. kinda pissed from these answers. haha but i should have known! sounds like me? selfish! NOOOOOOOOO! the one that makes me happy is antisocial! only moderate! i want everything moderate. awesome! except maybe 'schizotypal' at just high cuz it is tons of fun sometimes:) you know when no one knows what you are speaking of and youre in your own lil world and having great fun. atleast i am! haha. la di da. not happy with the narcifjsdkjf thing. or histrionic. yuck! that makes me sad i am selfish. IM A 3! OH NO! NO NO NO! 7! 4! 6! you know 6's make awful psychs. i learned that! and 3s make awesome doctors. hey.... :) :) :) i still dont want to be a 3 though lol RAWR!

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	Very High
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

2002-09-19T16:33:00.000-05:00

Oh! Also i just quick wanted to thank the girlies that are leaving me notes! :) Tara, Casa, Jen (anyone else you should! or thanks! lol) you chicies are awesome! MUAH!:)

2002-09-19T16:30:00.000-05:00

raaaawwwwwwwr. alrite so overall it was an alrite day. but i do NOT want to go to school tomorrow. i hate it so much. just A days. not all the days. i think these boys here are more conceited, or maybe they just show it different. the boys i am used to are sometimes like that, but they dont necessary go around making fun of folks. and these boys here like turn their noses up at you. i hate ittttttt! yeah. well hey. so i was in that nice boys, not fine boys, stage you know. so i told this girl jennifer that i had liked this boy. or whatever. and i dont like her! rawr! shes all like mean about it. well atleast i have a chance, not like she does with those rude conceited boys. im so stupid man i was all psyched or whatever cuz all of the boys here are so so fine but they all hate me! so what does that help?!? my gosh i hate this. oh folks dont get me wrong i am not in a bad mood. :) yeah.

2002-09-18T17:11:00.000-05:00

well havent updated this in awhile. nothing much to say i guess. i go through these moods like "i HATE living here i want to die" to "la di da di da dee yum!" and im like rawr mad confused. at lunch those boys that think they are all popular that i sat with before laughed at me cuz im not up there by them. whatever. i wish i didnt have classes with them cuz that is the kind of people i used to be by (not as FSDJAKFJDSAKFJSDKAJ! though) and so its kinda sad that they hate me. Theyre just like mean. High schoolers here are plain mean i think. Like they dont try to be, and its not like on the outside, maybe they were just brought up that way. Since they are mostly like millionaires. ANYWAY im trying not to let it bother me much. I'm really rawr though too cuz this boy i have been kinda lookin at i dont know. I do not want it to be another thing like "oh look i like him so much but he doesnt talk to me anymore" and i hate that. i dont need that again no. so i think tomorrow when i see him and my friend walking like i usually do ima ask her if she is going to homecoming with her boy. and then i already know shell say no cuz she told me already. then you know so its just casually broughten up. gee im nice not. rawr i dont know. when im at school i just feel like sobbing! but when im back here im just la di da di da. i knew it! so i dont know. anyway!

2002-09-15T15:25:00.000-05:00

pleeeease work! comments??? that would rock so much. come on ! yay! :) work work work work!

2002-09-15T12:16:00.000-05:00

so i changed the location of this. la di dum di dum. yeah i probably should tell people. i forgot what i was gonna say. rawr.

2002-09-13T22:47:00.000-05:00

some best friend, huh? maybe im the only one who thinks she is acting a little um.. AHEM.

her (10:29:47 PM): hola chica.
me(10:30:00 PM): hello
me (10:30:38 PM): whats up?
her (10:31:09 PM): nothin much
her (10:31:21 PM): u?
me (10:31:28 PM): ditto
me (10:31:45 PM): having fun back at school?
her (10:31:53 PM): yup
her (10:32:07 PM): guess where we are all going on Sunday?
me (10:32:11 PM): thats good.
me (10:32:17 PM): to see Swimfan?
her (10:32:33 PM): nope Singha already saw it
me (10:32:49 PM): oh thats what Shelby told me. well i hope you have fun doing whatever!
her (10:33:11 PM): but we are going to Mayfair to see a movie, shop, and eat dinner at applebees
me (10:33:21 PM): cool cool.
her (10:33:24 PM): like we did that one time
me (10:33:28 PM): yeah
her (10:33:50 PM): its me, Shelby, Singha, Punita, and maybe Shanee
me (10:34:03 PM): cool i hope you have fun
her (10:34:20 PM): yea
her (10:34:35 PM): when did u talk to Shelby?
me (10:34:41 PM): i always do.
her (10:35:08 PM): oh did she tell ya about Singha?
me (10:35:17 PM): noooo
her (10:36:10 PM): well tomorrow she is going to this car show/car party
me (10:36:25 PM): cool
her (10:36:42 PM): and this guy is going to pay her $300 to sit on his car and look pretty
me (10:36:47 PM): haha
me (10:36:58 PM): cool
her (10:37:03 PM): the catch is she has to wear this skimpy shorts outfit
me (10:37:24 PM): is she gonna do it then?
her (10:37:26 PM): he was going to have her wear a thong but luckily she told him no
her (10:37:29 PM): yea
me (10:37:45 PM): thats good
her (10:37:53 PM): yea i might go see her
me (10:37:58 PM): cool
her (10:38:30 PM): she is getting a ride from the guy and she is asking him to come pick me up
me (10:38:49 PM): cool
her (10:39:26 PM): yea the guy is also running the car show
me (10:39:40 PM): thats fun
her (10:39:48 PM): oh yea and she has to stay at the party till 2:00 in the morning
me (10:39:58 PM): yipe
her (10:40:28 PM): i can't remember what car he has but it is red so he got the outfit to match the car
me (10:40:41 PM): oooh awesome
her (10:40:45 PM): oh yea he has a friend to witha celica
me (10:40:51 PM): neato
her (10:40:55 PM): i want a celica so bad
her (10:41:01 PM): or a jetta
me (10:41:01 PM): aw
me (10:41:05 PM): thats cute
her (10:41:38 PM): yea i have classes with like all of them this year
me (10:41:44 PM): thats good
her (10:41:58 PM): but i don't have many classes with like Kendra and them
me (10:42:14 PM): aw
her (10:42:27 PM): did ya take drivers ed classes yet?
me (10:42:34 PM): nope did you?
me (10:43:36 PM): hey i gotta go maybe ill talk to you later alrite?
me (10:43:40 PM): have a good weekend:-)
her (10:43:42 PM): i am supposed to be taking them with singha soon at madison high school

2002-09-12T21:12:00.000-05:00

i dont know why that chicie gets to me. maybe cuz she is bye far the most selfish person i have ever met and i still choose to message her. hm. ah geez. and i dont like him or nothing but she always is just braggin. like when i had liked adam and she "oh man i talked to adam today i really like him la di da" and im like dude. and shes like "well its not like he likes you" THANKS. she just upsets me. hmmmmm. thats about it.

2002-09-12T16:00:00.000-05:00

well im not in a bad mood now. i should be cleaning. la di doo. i know! but im not yet. im listening to my practice back EWWW so not cool man. anyways! so yeah some stuff is goin on. mooonnnnneeeeeyyyyy problems rawr. hate those! hmmm. tomorrow is friday the thirteenth. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! i am so freaked. yipes. yeah im in a good mood. i need to clean. but thats one thing. hmmm. the end!

2002-09-11T17:25:00.000-05:00

thoughts and prayers to all those affected directly and non directly by the tragic attacks one year ago today. such a sad day dude. sad week! found out one of jennifers friends were lost in ny. i didnt really know anyone like in real life that lost people. cept my mom but thats still scary man. i dont know if i told anyone ? my mother's friend Dave worked at the Pentagon. but she never heard from him. and she hasnt heard from him for over a year now. so i dont know if :*( or if not ya know? but wouldnt he tell her he was alrite? i missed the tribute thinger at school cuz i was at this stupid stupid stupid freshman thing that i did last year so thats really slow man. ugh such a sad day. such a bad week. i dont want to be selfish on such a day. lovies to all.

2002-09-08T20:13:00.000-05:00

so i went to that party on saturday. and i ended up staying the whole nite. now im still not sure though what they think of me. either way, im just like oh well. it was fun though for the most part and im so glad i got to do something finally. a little too much to eat this weekend up two more but its all good. tomorrow is open house and im extremely psyched for that cuz when im with my family (who i obviously know better than the new people at school) i am totally myself so its like yay i hope i dont act all boring and stuff and then people will see i can be all happy and be like hey lets be friends now! lol. k maybe not but im just excited that my mother can see my classes and stuff. missing the buddies more and more but thats how its gonna be. baaaaaaaad things are happening. we are disowned! thats a nice feeling. because supposedly we are going on "adventures" that are inappropriate (to a RESTAURANT! HOW EXCITING!!!!) and are being cruel to some folks. even though we arent the ones who sent the nasty disown-tation letter or did all that other *&(*& for years. whatever!

2002-09-07T10:46:00.000-05:00

cant talk long, bad morning though yipes. its better now. i got TEN mosquito bites ah. i found out yesterday that that girl may not be with the boy im thinking of. cuz she was all over this other boy at lunch yesterday and no one said anything so im guessing his name is the same. ahhhh that made me so happy. im down 6 from last saturday. so thats less that one a day! NOOOOOOO! i want two a day! like some people can do! but i guess if you put it in perspective, 6 pounds in one week its OHKAY. but now i have to keep up with that. anyway ah gotta go muah

2002-09-06T21:57:00.000-05:00

new link!!! is it working?? hmmm. TARA! woooo hooo!!!!! :) :) :) that made me so excited i had an email that she got a blog! lol:) yeah so im watching the tape of american idol again. again. yes. lol. i want to go to the concert SO bad:( october 13!!! but tickets go on sale tomorrow and my mother works. as usual. no aj! or tamyra! my most favorites in the world. mannnn some people know how obsessed i am. lol. well anyway. i got invited to go to a party tomorrow nite! im so psyched. this girl lives on the street right around the corner! its SO awesome! im like dude i have another close by friend! hehe. i dont know what else hm. ohh!!!! my father sent me a mail about why dont i like his girlfriend. raaaaaawrrrrrrr. who cares man. oh! i got this chaps rl sweater top so im all happy lol. :) yum its so comfy. yeah its a mens but its so yum! sometimes i think guys clothes are much better than ours. whatever! hehe.

2002-09-05T16:25:00.000-05:00

yeah we been have our water back since that day. i forgot again to ask my mother about if i can try for crew on the crucible cuz thats more people and its next week kelly had told me. yeah i just met her. hmm. today was a pretty bad day. all these people are two faced i think. la di doo. what else? oooh i got invited to a party for saturday but i dont know. i dont really know the girl but its her sweet 16, i met her today and her birthday is tomorrow. im trying to think what else! this girl came to my house yesterday i knnnow she dont like me. hm. oh oh oh oh!!!!!!!!! ohkay so i told someone. i think casa? maybe it was my friend shelby anyway i dont remember. so im in this new phase where i dont go for the hott boys cuz i know they dont like me cuz im not pretty. i am starting to go for the dudes i know that i have atleast somewhat of a chance with so long as they are decent looking. and good personality of COURSE. i usually dont get that far. i have picky-ness problems cuz of trust issues. yes. i once stopped liking a boy cuz he liked blue. and i hate when guys start to like me and tell me! and this one boy liked sugar ray and i was like ew but anywaaaaaaays. whew i like getting off track. so i had found out from my friend katie that this boy had "wanted to see me again" so i was all excited. HAHA. sure. whatever. just goes to show that people and i dont mesh well! so i had seen him two days ago. and now hes going with this other girl. im like gee. homecoming is in 2 weeks. its so funny how when i left my friends were all like "new girls get the cute boys!" yeah too bad all the cute boys dont like ugly losers! also i hadnt had anything yet today and the microwave went off cuz i had made somethin little then my mother was like we're going to subway and im like well i was hungry so shes all ohkay. i slipped how i hadnt had lunch so shes like "i worry about you with food you already look like youre gonna blow away" and now were going!

2002-09-03T15:50:00.000-05:00

well! today was an extrememly good day! until i got home. ah ha. not cool. there was a note on our door. and our water has been turned off! dude! of all the bills to not pay. WATER! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! showers! potties! faucets! we dont have that! so i called my mothers work and left a message for her with chris to call the water place cuz they are open til 5. ah geez. also. tomorrow are tryouts for moon over buffalo. i really wanted to try for crew but ahem. its after school so of course i cant. rawr. but it was a fun day!!! :) yummm:) :) :) i just miss water!! ah.

2002-09-02T00:32:00.000-05:00

whew man it was so exciting. i found my poems! and i wrote just now! that was so awesome cuz i used to loooove writing so much. and itd piss me off so bad when i couldnt or when it turned out sucky. which is most of the time but whatever. ahhh my brother came in again i hate him go away dude i was all happy.

2002-08-31T17:53:00.000-05:00

so sorry about the lack of outdates. i wonder if anyone reads this anymore? mail me if so please:) i got a scale today! oh man. so so sad. so so bad. ahh. but im just like whatever right now. my tummy is actually growing out more. but i dont care right now. i have been in this 'life-is-great-just-appreciate-celebrate' mood since yesterday in spanish. im just like psh have fun. do what you want. and i decided. i can do whatever i want. not like in a bratty way. but im always saying like "yeah id love to be a plastic surgeon but im not smart enough so i guess ill be a.." psh no. i am going to be a doctor. and i dont care if no one else thinks i can. cuz i know that i can. so whatever!! and i want to be in an organization. lol. weird i know! but thats so cool. we are supposed to go to this church tomorrow but i think maybe its katies so thatd be weird. yeep. then id be like um hi and leave and not go back ever. shes a really nice chicie ! but itd just be too awkward. is that spelled right? who cares! if i want to spell it like that i can. yep. im going to do everything i can and experience everything i can. and im not going to be scared. no way man. all fear does is hold you back. but i cant be held back cuz i have too many plans! anyway. i want to go sky diving. oh man thatd rock. yummies!! :)

2002-08-26T17:15:00.000-05:00

i got really sad today. hm. i watched slackers, which had too much unnecessarily sex parts in it, but thats america. it had such a good message though. i was like wow. i bought that even though i hadnt see it. and i bought a beautiful mind. i love that movie so so much. (in my opinion) it is so great cuz i think it really like tests you. it tries so hard to make it seem so i dont know just its awesome. cuz like, if youve seen it, unless its just me, you dont really know that stuff isnt "real" until he goes to the hospital. especially charles. i love that movie. woo cept it makes me all thinky. but its so like yum. that movie and that song the second day are yummy to me right now. i think my mother is home.

2002-08-23T21:40:00.000-05:00

yeah that infatuation lasted... one day? haha. no matter. im feeling so homesick. yesterday too. ugh. like man. and i went to lunch with this popular boy again. and they make me feel so bad. well, everyone at that school does but you know. one thing that didnt really make me feel bad, it was just weird, he asked me how come i dont eat lunch and if i was "one of those girls that puke it up" or something. so i was just like "naw im one of those girls that dont eat when they arent hungry". hm. and then in dance i was talking to jamie, and she has so much passion for everything and so much confidence that its not even like snobby, its gorgeous. i dont know. i hate this school so so much. yuckies. i have like nothing to be good at or anything. im just really boring. and i HATE it so much. i wish i was one of those people that made everything seem interesting and fun. thatd be so awesome. and everyone at that smart school is so damn gorgeous i feel so nasty and ugly and fat and just FSDJA unworthy. ugh i hate it hate it. there is nothing to do here. im so TRAPPED. i never thought i would miss it this much.

2002-08-21T17:11:00.000-05:00

i hate this man, everytime i fall, i go down hard! raawwwwwwwwrrrrrrrr. not fair. this time its not like before though. like i can actually see it ! so thats better. lol no one will know what im talking of but its all good. anyway, school, yeah. its alrite. one thing could make it better but hey, its only the 3rd day. i met some really nice people. like really nice. so i am so glad! Hailey and Jamie are like so much like me its awesome. And i feel comfortable with em like they are already my friends. so im glad. woo sorry its been awhile, i never know what to say. la di doo. hows everyone been? good i hope. yeah anyway. the end!

2002-08-17T06:07:00.000-05:00

channel five rocks the house. so ohkay. last nite i talked to ms brynn and ms casa on yahoo. and ms brynn introduced me to this awesome doodler thing! woo it is so cool. yes. and yes. la. my pinkie still is hurting that is so not cool. its 604! that is so early. we are supposed to be in "school mode" so of course i woke up half a hour ago. no one else is awake. haha. i watched latin access with my mother, she was awake then, woo i wish i had a accent. then she went back to sleep so its all dark everywhere. yikes. dude. la. i dont know what to say. its so dumb how i fill in with la's and woo's and whatever's and anyway's and you know. the end.

2002-08-16T22:06:00.000-05:00

woo i bit my pinkie nail a little too far this time i think. hurts bad while typing. yipes. *swithces to one handed* pretty decent day. up at 630, did homework, wehatever, til my mother got home at 1. we went to my sisters school, then my brothers, dropped them off, then went to mine. confusing building let me tell you. i met my chemistry teacher and i swear every single person there that ive met so far is like the sweetest. also got my haircut. way too short for me, it barely fits up. actuaslly not all of it does. and in hate my hair so much but the lady kept telling me i 'have the hair' so i was like aw yay. extremely nervous. woo finger hurtin

2002-08-15T20:36:00.000-05:00

i hate this so much. i was really dizzy and i made the mistake of telling my mother. so now i have this plate of macaroni and peas next to me. great. just what i need. NOT. one awesome thing i figured out today is that i can be triggered by so many things, in the good way. tv, radio, computer, books. ha thats so weird. but its cool. so im like yay. i woke up at 630 but i had the worst headache, went back to bed and woke up at noon! i was so so so so angry. rawr. i dont feel icky no more cept cuz of this next to me duh, but its all good. i hate not having anything to say. dum di *la*

2002-08-14T21:07:00.000-05:00

i think i need to stop reading everyones blogs. wooow trigger. not the good, whew ima work so hard now trigger, but the omigosh i hate me FSDJAKFJDAKFDJSKAFJ DSAK? FDSA die now kind. yum! that is all.

2002-08-13T15:01:00.000-05:00

FEJKALFJ she got all RAWR to me with the money stuff AGAIN. since shes "busy worrying about money" while we are "up late"?? WHAT??? SO??? whatever mom. wheeeewwwwwwww. whatever. so sick of her. shes going to take off one of these days to "figure things out". ohkay. and she got all angry at me then for being scared. heeelllllllloooooo. cant help it i saw somethin again! wooo makes me angry. tick tock. la di. and i talked to em so thats all *la* again. dum di. woo i am so angry though. woooo mothers can be RAJFKDJSKF! then she comes home and complains how we do nothing and *note:iii do things but no one else does and she knows it* how she has too much to worry about and blah blah. least we arent with bbboth the parents now. cuz oh man that would be SO SO SO SO SO SO bad. this really isnt bad. i know it doesnt sound bad. *la*. im so sleepy! the end.